Chapter 5
As his promises to his son as also his master, Fergus walked out to the field to find Mark the next day. He had to see Mark’s doing. Fergus could understand how worried Roan to this slave. He felt the bound between the two boys. And Fergus felt so proud of his son.
But there was no Mark to find on the field. Fergus begun to worried. And a slave told him that Mark was on stables. He got injured, and not being able to work in the field. This made Fergus even worried. Mark got injured?
Immediately Fergus rushed to the stables and found Mark was doing his duty, feeding the horses. And from the first sight of the boy Fergus could see, the boy’s palms were dressed with simple fabric.
“Mark?”
Mark looked up with the called.
“Sir?” he smiled as knowing Fergus was coming.
“How you are doing?”
“Fine, thank you, Sir.”
Fergus looked to Mark’s hand. “What happened to you?”
“Oh, this?” he smiled. “It’s nothing, Sir,” and tried to hide it. “My mistake.”
But Fergus didn’t believe. He looked to the boy eyes till he committed.
“I’d been caught taking bread in the kitchen yesterday, Sir,” Mark couldn’t resist the eyes.
“And what Cruel did for the punishment?” didn’t leave the boy eyes.
“He … put my palms on the brazier, Sir,” Mark cough his own vile, as he remembered it
Fergus sighed in pain. “And how many lashed?”
Mark shook his head, “No lashed, Sir, only this.”
Well, these burnt hands had hurt enough than 20 lashes. Cruel did know how to hurt the slave.
“Let me see it,” he took the boys hands gently and opened the dress, and had to hold his breath, tried to calmly. The boy palms were still red and almost black from the burnt. He was sure, this must still hell hurts.
“I’m sorry, Sir, I promise I would not do that again,” Mark knew he had make Roan disappointed, “And please… don’t tell Roan, Sir” he almost begged, he didn’t want to make Roan much worried.
“Yes, I can understand that,” Fergus could sense the boy had a big pride, and stealing was something he would always regret.
“Thank you, Sir.”
“I will get you something for this.”
“No, Sir, thank you, that no necessary, I’ll be alright,” he quickly dressed back his hands.
“SLAVE!!” a harsh shouted from the front door made them jump. It was Cruel!
“I’m sorry, Sir, I have go back to work, thank you for your concern, good day, Sir” and right away Mark moved away from Fergus.
Fergus looked to Cruel, and starred to the sadistic man. He decided to go, he would never have a touch with Cruel again.
Back to the manor, Fergus didn’t give any word about Mark to Roan. He knew, Roan would be mad, and would do the foolish thing of escaping from his chamber, and that would be worst. Fergus would never put his son to dangerous way.
“How is he, Fergus?” Roan was asking Mark with enthusiasm.
“Mark is fine, Master. You no need to worry. Cruel had moved him to the stables.”
“So he did not work on the field again?”
“No Master.”
Roan sighed in relief, “Well, that’s great. Work on the field was very hard you know?”
“Yes, I know, Master,” of course Fergus knew, he had been worked on the fields, before Lord Master took him as Lord personal slave.
“That’s good Cruel had moved to the stables, easy job to do.”
“Yes, of course.”
“And that would make me easier to meet him.”
“No, master, I suggested you to not meet him again, Master.”
“No, Fergus, I would always meet him, weather father like it or not.”
Fergus had to sigh. His son was so stone head.
“I would even try to escaping him from here.”
This made Fergus shocked. The night when he tried to escaping Pat and Cathal was coming back to his eyes. The horrible nights. The night he would regret for all his life.
“No you did not, Master.”
“Yes, I am, Fergus, and I will do it.”
“No, please, Master, …don’t do it.”
“Yes, I would. And maybe you want to help me?”
“NO, MASTER, I WOULD NEVER HELP YOU TO RUN THE SLAVES!” Fergus with high tones and full of emotions.
Roan was shocked with Fergus high tones. Fergus never shouted at him before. “FERGUS!?”
Fergus realized his son was shocked, “Forgive me, Master,” tried to calm his emotions.
“Well, if you don’t want to help me, you don’t have to shout me like that!” Roan was still shock with the shout and he didn’t understand with Fergus’s act.
“Yes, I know, Master, forgive me,” he now took a bow for his young master.
And Roan didn’t like it, “Rise up, Fergus!”
Fergus obeyed, “Forgive me, Master.”
Roan tried to calm his breath, “I will do it by myself, Fergus,” his voice had back to normal.
“No, please, Master, I beg you, don’t do this.”
“Yes I will. Mark would be free. Free like a bird”
Fergus’s heart was breaking with the lovely words for his friend, like he used to say to Pat and Cathal. But that made them even suffered.
“If you love Mark, please let him stay here safely.”
“Safely? With Cruel treatment you think slaves would safe? No! They would die someday! And because I love Mark, I would set him free!”
“Don’t do something you would regret, Master.”
“And hell I would regret if I don’t do this, Fergus.”
Fergus really didn’t know how to changes the boy mind.
“Mast_”
“Enough, Fergus, I will not continuing this discussion of you were not on my side. I will set him free by myself.” He took a very deep breath. “Now, would you please let me spend my prisoner in peace, so I could make a good perfect plan for Mark.”
Fergus could only take his breath. He knew, his son was kind of stubborn boy, and no one could change his mind. He dismissed, let the boy thinking of the foolish plan
Fergus closed the door with dripping eyes. ‘May, Lord helps you, son, because I couldn’t. I have no courage of doing it again. I failed your mother, Roan, and I couldn’t do that again, I’m sorry’
TBC
Minggu, 08 November 2009
Love, Pain, and Loyalty Chapter 4
Chapter 4
Roan really spent his prisoner without food. His father didn’t send him a food for diner. His father had to be mad at him, that he had to do without food tonight. Even his father really harsh on him, Roan never been locked like this before, and his father never left him hungry. He felt like a bad kid. And now his stomach really screamed now as he had not eating from midday. There was nothing he could do but tried to sleep with empty bowl. Hoping somebody would come rescue him.
Fergus stood near Roan’s out door. His heart was breaking of imagine how was Roan now. Roan must be starved now. His Father didn’t let him to take the food for the boy. How badly he wanted to sneak out and send Roan some food, or even some bread. But he knew Lord Master watched him. He had warned him,
“Tried to send him a food, I will have your hand cut. You know I meant it, Fergus,” glared at him. And Fergus knew, His Lord never played with his own words.
So now, Fergus could only stand near the door, hoping Roan would be as strong as him.
It was almost midday when Roan finally woke up in the next morning. He was waken up by his screamed stomach, and there was no sign somebody was coming to send him a food. He sighed in desperate. His father really let him starving. He couldn’t believe that!
And he even couldn’t believed, that no one came for sending him some food or even for visiting him.
It nearly dark as the door was finally opened.
He jumped eagerly. Even with empty stomach, he still had strength. It was Fergus. With an empty hand.
“Thank you, Lord, finally someone visiting me!”
“How you are doing, Master?” his sighed in relieved as the sight of the boy who still have the energy to be mad.
“Starving!” Roan snapped out. “And you didn’t bring any food for me?”
“Yes. Your father really mad at you this time. You have to see that.”
“Yes, I know. Let his son starved.”
“That is you have must to learn.”
“Feels how being a slave? Lack of food?” Roan was still angry. “What that supposed to mean?”
“You know it, Master.” Then he sighed. “Well, Lord Master invited you to have dinner with him. So get wash now, your father has waiting for you. Don’t be late.”
He just sighed. Finally, His father let him to eat.
“On five minutes, then I’ll be down.”
Fergus just nodded, and dismissed.
Roan took a quick washed and take a nice clothes, then got out to the dining room.
His father had waiting for him with his cold eyes.
“Good evening, father”
“Good evening, son. Sit.”
Roan sat where he used to sit, just ride beside his father.
A servant started to serve him the diner.
Roan looked the food in front of him. He hesitated to eat.
“Eat it, son. I believed you haven’t eaten since yesterday.”
“Yes, father,” with that he ate like an animal like he never ate before. He starved, and he didn’t care if his father would mad at him again.
Roan ate them all, emptied all the plate. And now Roan was very full.
“You ate like an animal, son,” he didn’t even look at him.
“Forgive me, father. I’m starving.”
His father didn’t reply.
“Stay at your room, I have not giving you permission to leave the manor,” with the cold voice.
“Yes, father.”
He rose up, and left from the dining room.
As he father left, Roan murmured in hated, then back to his room.
He popped his body to the seat and tried to think what his father done to him. Sometimes he never understood why his father was so harsh to him. He was very cold and strict. Roan spent a hardly time being his son. His father often used his crop for his punishment when he was child. He remembered he had to spend his piano lesson with hands full with red welts from the crop. His father would crop his palms in every note he missed. So when Roan finally reached one good song, his hands were barely moving with red welts over his palms. But he survived, and now he could play piano very well, just like Mozart. And he was proud of it. At the end he had to understand why his father was so strict and harsh on him. It was for him. But still he couldn’t understand the way his father treated the slave. And thinking of slave, he couldn’t not think about Mark. How was he now, did he suffer like he did? Hope he didn’t.
The next morning, Roan wake up and expected the door was locked, and yes it was locked. Roan begun desperate to think his father would let him starving again until dinner time. But he was wrong. At ten, Fergus was coming to bring him breakfast.
“Good morning, Master?” Fergus was come with a tray of breakfast.
“Good morning, Fergus. Am I still grounded?”
“Yes, Master, for five days,” he put the tray on table, and invited his master to have breakfast
Roan winded his eyes, “Five days! I will stick on this room for five days!?”
“At least he didn’t let you starving this time. Your meal will serve anytime you asked. Now have your breakfast, Master.”
Still in murmured, Roan approached the table and sat. “I’m not worried with starving, but I have to see Mark, Fergus. How can I meet him if I’m on this prison for FIVE DAYS!” he made five days as the clearly words. “I’m no fucking kid!!”
“So do not act like one. It is for your goodness, Master. Now eat,” as Roan hadn’t started to eat.
Roan had to obeyed. He cut the pieces of bread and pushed it to his mouth.
“My goodness?” with full mouth of bread. “Separating me from my best friend?”
“No, but to make you learn how to be an obedient son.”
“That ludicrous!” Roan banged his fork and landed to floor. He couldn’t hold his anger. His father really treated him like a bad kid, like an obedient kid.
“Now, Master, just do what your father said,” Fergus took the fork and cleaned it, then handed back to Roan. “Please, do not questioning him again. Do not make your father even madder. I promise, I will take care of Mark for you. You no need to worry about him.”
Roan looked at him. “Can you do that, Fergus?”
“Yes, I can, Master. You can count me.”
“You won’t tell father?”
“No, I won’t.”
“Alright. Just watched him, and I’ll do my prisoner,” well what he could do?
Fergus sighed in relieved. “Now, finished your breakfast.”
As Roan finished his breakfast, Fergus took the tray and dismissed.
“Be good son, Master,” before he shut off the door.
Roan didn’t even replay. He just banged the table in anger.
TBC
Roan really spent his prisoner without food. His father didn’t send him a food for diner. His father had to be mad at him, that he had to do without food tonight. Even his father really harsh on him, Roan never been locked like this before, and his father never left him hungry. He felt like a bad kid. And now his stomach really screamed now as he had not eating from midday. There was nothing he could do but tried to sleep with empty bowl. Hoping somebody would come rescue him.
Fergus stood near Roan’s out door. His heart was breaking of imagine how was Roan now. Roan must be starved now. His Father didn’t let him to take the food for the boy. How badly he wanted to sneak out and send Roan some food, or even some bread. But he knew Lord Master watched him. He had warned him,
“Tried to send him a food, I will have your hand cut. You know I meant it, Fergus,” glared at him. And Fergus knew, His Lord never played with his own words.
So now, Fergus could only stand near the door, hoping Roan would be as strong as him.
It was almost midday when Roan finally woke up in the next morning. He was waken up by his screamed stomach, and there was no sign somebody was coming to send him a food. He sighed in desperate. His father really let him starving. He couldn’t believe that!
And he even couldn’t believed, that no one came for sending him some food or even for visiting him.
It nearly dark as the door was finally opened.
He jumped eagerly. Even with empty stomach, he still had strength. It was Fergus. With an empty hand.
“Thank you, Lord, finally someone visiting me!”
“How you are doing, Master?” his sighed in relieved as the sight of the boy who still have the energy to be mad.
“Starving!” Roan snapped out. “And you didn’t bring any food for me?”
“Yes. Your father really mad at you this time. You have to see that.”
“Yes, I know. Let his son starved.”
“That is you have must to learn.”
“Feels how being a slave? Lack of food?” Roan was still angry. “What that supposed to mean?”
“You know it, Master.” Then he sighed. “Well, Lord Master invited you to have dinner with him. So get wash now, your father has waiting for you. Don’t be late.”
He just sighed. Finally, His father let him to eat.
“On five minutes, then I’ll be down.”
Fergus just nodded, and dismissed.
Roan took a quick washed and take a nice clothes, then got out to the dining room.
His father had waiting for him with his cold eyes.
“Good evening, father”
“Good evening, son. Sit.”
Roan sat where he used to sit, just ride beside his father.
A servant started to serve him the diner.
Roan looked the food in front of him. He hesitated to eat.
“Eat it, son. I believed you haven’t eaten since yesterday.”
“Yes, father,” with that he ate like an animal like he never ate before. He starved, and he didn’t care if his father would mad at him again.
Roan ate them all, emptied all the plate. And now Roan was very full.
“You ate like an animal, son,” he didn’t even look at him.
“Forgive me, father. I’m starving.”
His father didn’t reply.
“Stay at your room, I have not giving you permission to leave the manor,” with the cold voice.
“Yes, father.”
He rose up, and left from the dining room.
As he father left, Roan murmured in hated, then back to his room.
He popped his body to the seat and tried to think what his father done to him. Sometimes he never understood why his father was so harsh to him. He was very cold and strict. Roan spent a hardly time being his son. His father often used his crop for his punishment when he was child. He remembered he had to spend his piano lesson with hands full with red welts from the crop. His father would crop his palms in every note he missed. So when Roan finally reached one good song, his hands were barely moving with red welts over his palms. But he survived, and now he could play piano very well, just like Mozart. And he was proud of it. At the end he had to understand why his father was so strict and harsh on him. It was for him. But still he couldn’t understand the way his father treated the slave. And thinking of slave, he couldn’t not think about Mark. How was he now, did he suffer like he did? Hope he didn’t.
The next morning, Roan wake up and expected the door was locked, and yes it was locked. Roan begun desperate to think his father would let him starving again until dinner time. But he was wrong. At ten, Fergus was coming to bring him breakfast.
“Good morning, Master?” Fergus was come with a tray of breakfast.
“Good morning, Fergus. Am I still grounded?”
“Yes, Master, for five days,” he put the tray on table, and invited his master to have breakfast
Roan winded his eyes, “Five days! I will stick on this room for five days!?”
“At least he didn’t let you starving this time. Your meal will serve anytime you asked. Now have your breakfast, Master.”
Still in murmured, Roan approached the table and sat. “I’m not worried with starving, but I have to see Mark, Fergus. How can I meet him if I’m on this prison for FIVE DAYS!” he made five days as the clearly words. “I’m no fucking kid!!”
“So do not act like one. It is for your goodness, Master. Now eat,” as Roan hadn’t started to eat.
Roan had to obeyed. He cut the pieces of bread and pushed it to his mouth.
“My goodness?” with full mouth of bread. “Separating me from my best friend?”
“No, but to make you learn how to be an obedient son.”
“That ludicrous!” Roan banged his fork and landed to floor. He couldn’t hold his anger. His father really treated him like a bad kid, like an obedient kid.
“Now, Master, just do what your father said,” Fergus took the fork and cleaned it, then handed back to Roan. “Please, do not questioning him again. Do not make your father even madder. I promise, I will take care of Mark for you. You no need to worry about him.”
Roan looked at him. “Can you do that, Fergus?”
“Yes, I can, Master. You can count me.”
“You won’t tell father?”
“No, I won’t.”
“Alright. Just watched him, and I’ll do my prisoner,” well what he could do?
Fergus sighed in relieved. “Now, finished your breakfast.”
As Roan finished his breakfast, Fergus took the tray and dismissed.
“Be good son, Master,” before he shut off the door.
Roan didn’t even replay. He just banged the table in anger.
TBC
Love, Pain, and Loyalty Chapter 3
Chapter 3
Roan kept thinking of Mark. He knew he had put Mark on bad position. No doubt, Cruel would drag him to the whipping post. And he saw it. From the window, he saw Mark received the whip till he could barely stand. His heart sunked, and hurt. Cruel had to drag Mark back to his cell as Mark could barely walk. But Roan knew he couldn’t see Mark by now. Cruel must be watched over him, and of course his father too. He couldn’t take another risk and put Mark on danger again. He had to wait. But he had something to do for Mark.
Two days later, Roan found Mark had properly back to work on the fields. And he knew when the right time he could meet Mark.
On midday, right on Mark’s off duty, Roan called him from behind the stone. He had to carefully, otherwise Cruel would find them.
Mark ran toward Roan as he heard his called.
“Roan,” Mark smiled as he met his friend. Even met Roan put a lot of danger; he still loved to see his friend. Roan was the only friend he had. He was the one who made him survived from Cruel’s cruelty.
“Mark, let me see your back,” he turned Mark’s body and pulled up his dress up. The only dress he had. Slaves were only given two pieces of dress a year. If they couldn’t keep them well, they would be naked and waiting for another new dress on new year.
Roan had to gasp as he saw the angry red welts on his back which begun to heal.
“It still hurt?”
“Some, Roan. Don’t worry, I’ll survive.”
“Forgive me, Mark.” Roan also saw the iron branded on Marks’s right shoulder. A circle with an ‘A’ in the middle for MacAodhagáin. It was his father brand for the slaves, and if his slaves ever run away, that would identify them as his. Roan felt sorry for Mark
“It’s alright, I really get used to it,” Mark gave him a warm smile.
But Roan didn’t smile. He stared him.
“Mark, would you like to free?” with the serious tones
Mark stunned. What a question. Of course he wanted to be free! Every slave on this mansion want to be free. No one ever wanted to be kept as a slave.
“I could give you a freedom, Mark.”
This made Mark more stunned. “I beg you pardon, Sir?”
“Yea, I could help you run,” with no hesitation.
‘Alright, this is something he wants to hear, but not from Roan.’
“You will help me to run?”
“Yeah. You have to get out from here, Mark. You couldn’t live like this. I couldn’t bare it. You have to be free. And I let you free.”
“By escaping?”
Roan nodded.
“No! Roan, don’t. It won’t work. You know what happened to the last slave who tried to escape?”
Roan gulped, “Yea, 100 lashed, hanged for a week, then executed,” he was still remember it, as he forced to see it by his father.
“And you want me to be like that?”
“No. Because it won’t happened, Mark. You won’t get caught. I could escape you safely.”
“Yeah, right,” even he doubted it. “But I would rather stay, than being stuck on that pole.”
“You could be dead here either, Mark. Look what Cruel had done to you!”
“And I survived. I couldn’t take a risk to escape.”
“I would rather die as a free person than never tried to get free. You will never know what happened if you never try.”
Mark bit his lips. Roan was right. He would never know if he hadn’t tried it. He could be free. Or …
He looked to his caring master and friend, “Thank you for your caring, but no, Roan, I could not take the risk. I have no courage. Please Roan, do not force me to do it. And this is for you too. Your father would killed you too when he founded. You knew he has no mercy, even on his son. I saw how he treated you.”
With this, Roan couldn’t say any word. Mark was totally right.
“I just want you to be free, Mark, that’s all.”
“I know. But you knew we couldn’t do that. And don’t worry, I’ll be fine. You made me strong Roan. That’s why I survived,” he gave him a warm smiled.
Roan had to smile.
“But I insisted, I’ll get you run, whenever you ready, Mark.”
Mark nodded. “Thank you.”
He took a sight to the fields. Slaves had back to work.
“I got to go. Cruel would search me if he didn’t found me.”
Roan nodded. “Be careful, Mark. Stay away from Cruel.”
“Of course. Thank you,” and he ran back to the fields. Roan could only watch his friend in sadness. Mark had thrown away his chance to escape. But Roan could understand. It was very high risk to run. No slave could able take the risk.
He sighed and turned to get back to the mansion. But he froze and pale as his father just standing not far from there. He was watched them and now starred Roan in cold eyes.
Roan felt numb. He even couldn’t move as his father approached him. He was aware in shock as a very hard slap landed on his cheek, till he fell to the grass.
“Fool boy! Come,” He grabbed his son’s arm roughly and dragged him back to the house.
He threw the boy to floor as they arrived on Roan’s chamber. Roan was now trembled in fear. His father grabbed his chin roughly and made him stared to his father eyes.
“You will never see that slave again. Is that understood?! If you do, I promise you I will have him dead before you can even blink! Is that understood?” Sheamon roared at his son.
Roan managed to nod.
Sheamon looked at him with warning eyes before he released his grip around his cheeks. Roan gasped for the air. His chin was hurt.
“And now you may spend in your room without diner. If you ever tried to get out and met that slave again, you would only found his grave!” with that Sheamon walked out and slamming the door locked.
Roan sighed in relieved as his father out. His heart still beat so fast with fear. He never understood why his father had to be like this. Why he had to hate slaves so much. Roan even hates his father now.
Roan turned to the windows to find Mark. But he had no where to find. Roan sighed in desperate. No chanced to meet Mark. And now he had to spend in this prison. Roan banged his foot to the wooden large bed, and threw his body to the bed.
TBC
Roan kept thinking of Mark. He knew he had put Mark on bad position. No doubt, Cruel would drag him to the whipping post. And he saw it. From the window, he saw Mark received the whip till he could barely stand. His heart sunked, and hurt. Cruel had to drag Mark back to his cell as Mark could barely walk. But Roan knew he couldn’t see Mark by now. Cruel must be watched over him, and of course his father too. He couldn’t take another risk and put Mark on danger again. He had to wait. But he had something to do for Mark.
Two days later, Roan found Mark had properly back to work on the fields. And he knew when the right time he could meet Mark.
On midday, right on Mark’s off duty, Roan called him from behind the stone. He had to carefully, otherwise Cruel would find them.
Mark ran toward Roan as he heard his called.
“Roan,” Mark smiled as he met his friend. Even met Roan put a lot of danger; he still loved to see his friend. Roan was the only friend he had. He was the one who made him survived from Cruel’s cruelty.
“Mark, let me see your back,” he turned Mark’s body and pulled up his dress up. The only dress he had. Slaves were only given two pieces of dress a year. If they couldn’t keep them well, they would be naked and waiting for another new dress on new year.
Roan had to gasp as he saw the angry red welts on his back which begun to heal.
“It still hurt?”
“Some, Roan. Don’t worry, I’ll survive.”
“Forgive me, Mark.” Roan also saw the iron branded on Marks’s right shoulder. A circle with an ‘A’ in the middle for MacAodhagáin. It was his father brand for the slaves, and if his slaves ever run away, that would identify them as his. Roan felt sorry for Mark
“It’s alright, I really get used to it,” Mark gave him a warm smile.
But Roan didn’t smile. He stared him.
“Mark, would you like to free?” with the serious tones
Mark stunned. What a question. Of course he wanted to be free! Every slave on this mansion want to be free. No one ever wanted to be kept as a slave.
“I could give you a freedom, Mark.”
This made Mark more stunned. “I beg you pardon, Sir?”
“Yea, I could help you run,” with no hesitation.
‘Alright, this is something he wants to hear, but not from Roan.’
“You will help me to run?”
“Yeah. You have to get out from here, Mark. You couldn’t live like this. I couldn’t bare it. You have to be free. And I let you free.”
“By escaping?”
Roan nodded.
“No! Roan, don’t. It won’t work. You know what happened to the last slave who tried to escape?”
Roan gulped, “Yea, 100 lashed, hanged for a week, then executed,” he was still remember it, as he forced to see it by his father.
“And you want me to be like that?”
“No. Because it won’t happened, Mark. You won’t get caught. I could escape you safely.”
“Yeah, right,” even he doubted it. “But I would rather stay, than being stuck on that pole.”
“You could be dead here either, Mark. Look what Cruel had done to you!”
“And I survived. I couldn’t take a risk to escape.”
“I would rather die as a free person than never tried to get free. You will never know what happened if you never try.”
Mark bit his lips. Roan was right. He would never know if he hadn’t tried it. He could be free. Or …
He looked to his caring master and friend, “Thank you for your caring, but no, Roan, I could not take the risk. I have no courage. Please Roan, do not force me to do it. And this is for you too. Your father would killed you too when he founded. You knew he has no mercy, even on his son. I saw how he treated you.”
With this, Roan couldn’t say any word. Mark was totally right.
“I just want you to be free, Mark, that’s all.”
“I know. But you knew we couldn’t do that. And don’t worry, I’ll be fine. You made me strong Roan. That’s why I survived,” he gave him a warm smiled.
Roan had to smile.
“But I insisted, I’ll get you run, whenever you ready, Mark.”
Mark nodded. “Thank you.”
He took a sight to the fields. Slaves had back to work.
“I got to go. Cruel would search me if he didn’t found me.”
Roan nodded. “Be careful, Mark. Stay away from Cruel.”
“Of course. Thank you,” and he ran back to the fields. Roan could only watch his friend in sadness. Mark had thrown away his chance to escape. But Roan could understand. It was very high risk to run. No slave could able take the risk.
He sighed and turned to get back to the mansion. But he froze and pale as his father just standing not far from there. He was watched them and now starred Roan in cold eyes.
Roan felt numb. He even couldn’t move as his father approached him. He was aware in shock as a very hard slap landed on his cheek, till he fell to the grass.
“Fool boy! Come,” He grabbed his son’s arm roughly and dragged him back to the house.
He threw the boy to floor as they arrived on Roan’s chamber. Roan was now trembled in fear. His father grabbed his chin roughly and made him stared to his father eyes.
“You will never see that slave again. Is that understood?! If you do, I promise you I will have him dead before you can even blink! Is that understood?” Sheamon roared at his son.
Roan managed to nod.
Sheamon looked at him with warning eyes before he released his grip around his cheeks. Roan gasped for the air. His chin was hurt.
“And now you may spend in your room without diner. If you ever tried to get out and met that slave again, you would only found his grave!” with that Sheamon walked out and slamming the door locked.
Roan sighed in relieved as his father out. His heart still beat so fast with fear. He never understood why his father had to be like this. Why he had to hate slaves so much. Roan even hates his father now.
Roan turned to the windows to find Mark. But he had no where to find. Roan sighed in desperate. No chanced to meet Mark. And now he had to spend in this prison. Roan banged his foot to the wooden large bed, and threw his body to the bed.
TBC
Love, Pain and Loyalty Chapter 2
Chapter 2
Roan grew as a nice kid. Good looking boy, kindly kid and well educated , even Lord Sheamon raised his son with a cold hand and harshly. Fergus was always on Roan’s side, taught him the right from wrong. He promised to Pat, Roan wouldn’t be like them. Roan wouldn’t be a slave. Roan had to be a nobleman; even he was not a born noble.
Roan was 16 now. He made a good friend with everyone. With his noble friend either with slaves. And his favorite slave friend was Mark. Actually, Roan hated slavery so much. He couldn’t understand why people like them were kept for nothing but to works. He felt sorry for the slave, but he couldn’t do anything for them as he was fear too to his Father. He was the law in this house, no one would questioning His words. Sometimes Roan would come to slave house to see how they were going. How they live made him sick. The cells were simple and dirty, there was over thirty slaves sharing the same cell. Slaves were sleeping all over the cell floor, close to each other for warmth. Not only were there fully grown men and women there were also children. They had their own cells, not being allowed to even see their parents. Such a cruelty was going on right under the Lord Sheamon’s nose, and His father didn't even care that men, women and not to mention children, were being treated worse than a farmer would treat his pigs. Wish he could do something for them. And Roan felt good to make a friend with them. He had been best friend with Mark for 5 years, well, from the day Mark came to this mansion. Cruel bought him at slave market when he was ten.
Everyday Roan would meet Mark after his duty. And they would go to the lake not far from the house and stay there. Mark knew if Cruel found him hang out together with Young Master, he would be punished, but he seemed don’t care. He loved to be with Roan, as well as Roan. He even let Mark called him by his name, not young master.
“You really don't remember about your family?” Roan asked curiously. They were lying on the grass after swimming together.
Mark shook his head. “I just know I was born in slavery, then my master sold me to the market when I was ten. I don’t know who was my mother, neither my father.”
Roan sighed. “I don’t know my mother too. Father never talked about her. Who she was, how she was like, I never knew.”
Mark just looked at him, and Roan smiled.
“Thank you, Master, thank you for being my friend,” Mark said politely
“Hey, I told you don’t call me master,” Roan warned him. “We are no different, Mark, just our fortune. I never see you as a slave, Mark. I see you like my own friend, like with Nicky,” Roan smiled gently. Nicky was his friend he met on his boarding school. And he was a future husband of King Richard’s daughter, Princess Meredith.
“Well, well what do we have here?” A harsh voice shocked them. Both Roan and Mark’s heads whipped around to see Cruel.
Cruel, was a big man with black hair and had a red scar right across his face.
“You!” He said pointing at Mark. “You have duties to see to.” He said angry, grabbing Mark by the collar pulling him to his feet. Cruel pulled out a whip and was just about to lash it out on Mark when Roan stopped him.
“Leave him alone! It was my fault, Sir. I asked Mark to accompany me,” Roan tried to reason with the furious Guard.
“Get out of my way boy...” He warned in a dangerous voice. But Roan refused to move.
Anger flashed in the Guard’s eyes. How dare this boy defy him? He knew who Roan was. Roan was a slave too. Slave who rose by Lord Master. Rose by pity.
He gripped the whip handle harder.
“Step aside or you will taste the same treatment as the slaves.” Cruel’s voice was cold and harsh but Roan didn’t even flinch. This Guard had no right treating the slaves as animals; they were humans just like they were. And Mark was his friend!
Cruel lost his temper and hit Roan right over the face with the whip handle. The force of the blow knocked him of his feet. Blood trickled down his right cheek. He was roughly pulled to his feet by Cruel.
“What is going on here?” A familiar voice asked.
Cruel bowed as his Lord approached and reluctantly released Mark.
“Milord, Young Master Roan questioned my way of treating the slaves. I found this one in the lake talking, instead of helping his friends out on the fields. And for that he needs to be punished. Young Master, Milord…” Cruel said acidly. “Refused to step aside and that way he defied my orders.”
Lord Sheamon looked from Cruel to his son, who gave cold eyes on Cruel.
He noticed the raw wound and the blood running down Roan’s cheek. He turned to look at Cruel. Sheamon smacked The Captain of the Guards hard across the cheek with his gloves.
“Hurt my son again, Cruel, and I will have you hanged.” The Lord’s eyes flashed with anger. “Remember, he is your Young Master!”
Cruel had a hard time trying to control himself. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fist together.
Sheamon turned and grabbed a hold of his son’s wrist and started to drag him along, away from the lake and into the house.
Cruel grabbed Mark by the collar and pushed him towards the slave’s house for his punishment. After eight lashes, Mark could hardly stand on his legs. The pain from the raw wounds on his back was too much to bear. He had been given the punishment of 20 lashes. Other slaves had been gathered around the place where two poles was placed in the ground, slaves who were going to be punished were tied to a pole with their back facing the crowd and hands above their heads.
“If I see you throwing away precious time like that again, I will not be as merciful as I was today.” Cruel shouted as he raised his whip to strike again.
At the manor...
“Foolish boy,” Sheamon gave a harsh look to his son. “Cruel is no man you should defy.”
Roan kept silent.
“Cruel is one dangerous man, you must not go near him again. Is that understood?”
Roan looked at his father, “But he was treating Mar... the slave badly!”
He said in his defense. “No buts. I heard you hang out with the slave quite often. I warned you, you will not go near the slave or Cruel again” Sheamon warned his young son.
“Why father? Why do we have to keep slaves? Why don’t we give them freedom? They are human, father. They need to free. Why don’t we give them?”
Sheamon gave his son a hard slapped on cheek.
Roan didn’t flinch. His father had done this before.
“Don’t you ever questioning me, again, son! And do not talk about slave again, or you will regretted!!” and he walked out from the boy.
Roan’s heart sank. Why his father should have this cruel? He had no heart! He hated his father!
Fergus looked from further. He could sense the pain of the boy. How hurt to see his son, his blood, being treated like this. But he knew what would better.
Slightly, he approached the boy.
“Are you feeling alright, Master?” Fergus asked the boy carefully.
Roan just sighed, “Yes, Fergus, I’m just fine.”
Fergus looked at the wound on Roan’s cheek, and brought a cloth and water.
Roan winced as the cloth came in contact with his wound.
“Stay still, this is going to hurt. Your father was right, Master. You know better for not questioning him.”
“But it feels wrong. So wrong. I hate slavery! You should have free by now, Fergus!” he snapped him.
Fergus stunned with the word. He was not expecting this word would come from Roan. His face fell and went pale. Roan felt bad.
“Forgive, me, Fergus. I shouldn’t say that. But you could have free. You stay because father kept you, didn’t you?” He knew who Fergus is. He was his father personal slave, served to his personal stuff on the bed. Roan knew every night Fergus would come to his father chamber and would be dismissed on early morning. And he knew Fergus was not happy with that. But what Fergus could do, he was just a slave. Lord Master chose him to be his personal slave. Roan felt sorry for him.
Fergus gulped. “No, Master, I’ll stay because my loyalty.”
Roan murmured, “How can you’ll be so loyal to a master who treated you bad like that? I should have run by now if I were you.”
Fergus even paled. He really didn’t expect this.
“Forgive me, Fergus. I’m just upset. Forget my words,” Roan didn’t mean to say all that.
“It’s alright, Master.”
Roan just sighed. “Thank you, Fergus. If you mind I need to be alone.”
Fergus just nodded, and leaved the boy.
Fergus cried slightly as he closed the big door. His son had grown now. His son knew what should be done and not should be done. He had raised his son well. ‘I made it, Pat, I made it. He’s not going to be a slave like us.’
TBC
Roan grew as a nice kid. Good looking boy, kindly kid and well educated , even Lord Sheamon raised his son with a cold hand and harshly. Fergus was always on Roan’s side, taught him the right from wrong. He promised to Pat, Roan wouldn’t be like them. Roan wouldn’t be a slave. Roan had to be a nobleman; even he was not a born noble.
Roan was 16 now. He made a good friend with everyone. With his noble friend either with slaves. And his favorite slave friend was Mark. Actually, Roan hated slavery so much. He couldn’t understand why people like them were kept for nothing but to works. He felt sorry for the slave, but he couldn’t do anything for them as he was fear too to his Father. He was the law in this house, no one would questioning His words. Sometimes Roan would come to slave house to see how they were going. How they live made him sick. The cells were simple and dirty, there was over thirty slaves sharing the same cell. Slaves were sleeping all over the cell floor, close to each other for warmth. Not only were there fully grown men and women there were also children. They had their own cells, not being allowed to even see their parents. Such a cruelty was going on right under the Lord Sheamon’s nose, and His father didn't even care that men, women and not to mention children, were being treated worse than a farmer would treat his pigs. Wish he could do something for them. And Roan felt good to make a friend with them. He had been best friend with Mark for 5 years, well, from the day Mark came to this mansion. Cruel bought him at slave market when he was ten.
Everyday Roan would meet Mark after his duty. And they would go to the lake not far from the house and stay there. Mark knew if Cruel found him hang out together with Young Master, he would be punished, but he seemed don’t care. He loved to be with Roan, as well as Roan. He even let Mark called him by his name, not young master.
“You really don't remember about your family?” Roan asked curiously. They were lying on the grass after swimming together.
Mark shook his head. “I just know I was born in slavery, then my master sold me to the market when I was ten. I don’t know who was my mother, neither my father.”
Roan sighed. “I don’t know my mother too. Father never talked about her. Who she was, how she was like, I never knew.”
Mark just looked at him, and Roan smiled.
“Thank you, Master, thank you for being my friend,” Mark said politely
“Hey, I told you don’t call me master,” Roan warned him. “We are no different, Mark, just our fortune. I never see you as a slave, Mark. I see you like my own friend, like with Nicky,” Roan smiled gently. Nicky was his friend he met on his boarding school. And he was a future husband of King Richard’s daughter, Princess Meredith.
“Well, well what do we have here?” A harsh voice shocked them. Both Roan and Mark’s heads whipped around to see Cruel.
Cruel, was a big man with black hair and had a red scar right across his face.
“You!” He said pointing at Mark. “You have duties to see to.” He said angry, grabbing Mark by the collar pulling him to his feet. Cruel pulled out a whip and was just about to lash it out on Mark when Roan stopped him.
“Leave him alone! It was my fault, Sir. I asked Mark to accompany me,” Roan tried to reason with the furious Guard.
“Get out of my way boy...” He warned in a dangerous voice. But Roan refused to move.
Anger flashed in the Guard’s eyes. How dare this boy defy him? He knew who Roan was. Roan was a slave too. Slave who rose by Lord Master. Rose by pity.
He gripped the whip handle harder.
“Step aside or you will taste the same treatment as the slaves.” Cruel’s voice was cold and harsh but Roan didn’t even flinch. This Guard had no right treating the slaves as animals; they were humans just like they were. And Mark was his friend!
Cruel lost his temper and hit Roan right over the face with the whip handle. The force of the blow knocked him of his feet. Blood trickled down his right cheek. He was roughly pulled to his feet by Cruel.
“What is going on here?” A familiar voice asked.
Cruel bowed as his Lord approached and reluctantly released Mark.
“Milord, Young Master Roan questioned my way of treating the slaves. I found this one in the lake talking, instead of helping his friends out on the fields. And for that he needs to be punished. Young Master, Milord…” Cruel said acidly. “Refused to step aside and that way he defied my orders.”
Lord Sheamon looked from Cruel to his son, who gave cold eyes on Cruel.
He noticed the raw wound and the blood running down Roan’s cheek. He turned to look at Cruel. Sheamon smacked The Captain of the Guards hard across the cheek with his gloves.
“Hurt my son again, Cruel, and I will have you hanged.” The Lord’s eyes flashed with anger. “Remember, he is your Young Master!”
Cruel had a hard time trying to control himself. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fist together.
Sheamon turned and grabbed a hold of his son’s wrist and started to drag him along, away from the lake and into the house.
Cruel grabbed Mark by the collar and pushed him towards the slave’s house for his punishment. After eight lashes, Mark could hardly stand on his legs. The pain from the raw wounds on his back was too much to bear. He had been given the punishment of 20 lashes. Other slaves had been gathered around the place where two poles was placed in the ground, slaves who were going to be punished were tied to a pole with their back facing the crowd and hands above their heads.
“If I see you throwing away precious time like that again, I will not be as merciful as I was today.” Cruel shouted as he raised his whip to strike again.
At the manor...
“Foolish boy,” Sheamon gave a harsh look to his son. “Cruel is no man you should defy.”
Roan kept silent.
“Cruel is one dangerous man, you must not go near him again. Is that understood?”
Roan looked at his father, “But he was treating Mar... the slave badly!”
He said in his defense. “No buts. I heard you hang out with the slave quite often. I warned you, you will not go near the slave or Cruel again” Sheamon warned his young son.
“Why father? Why do we have to keep slaves? Why don’t we give them freedom? They are human, father. They need to free. Why don’t we give them?”
Sheamon gave his son a hard slapped on cheek.
Roan didn’t flinch. His father had done this before.
“Don’t you ever questioning me, again, son! And do not talk about slave again, or you will regretted!!” and he walked out from the boy.
Roan’s heart sank. Why his father should have this cruel? He had no heart! He hated his father!
Fergus looked from further. He could sense the pain of the boy. How hurt to see his son, his blood, being treated like this. But he knew what would better.
Slightly, he approached the boy.
“Are you feeling alright, Master?” Fergus asked the boy carefully.
Roan just sighed, “Yes, Fergus, I’m just fine.”
Fergus looked at the wound on Roan’s cheek, and brought a cloth and water.
Roan winced as the cloth came in contact with his wound.
“Stay still, this is going to hurt. Your father was right, Master. You know better for not questioning him.”
“But it feels wrong. So wrong. I hate slavery! You should have free by now, Fergus!” he snapped him.
Fergus stunned with the word. He was not expecting this word would come from Roan. His face fell and went pale. Roan felt bad.
“Forgive, me, Fergus. I shouldn’t say that. But you could have free. You stay because father kept you, didn’t you?” He knew who Fergus is. He was his father personal slave, served to his personal stuff on the bed. Roan knew every night Fergus would come to his father chamber and would be dismissed on early morning. And he knew Fergus was not happy with that. But what Fergus could do, he was just a slave. Lord Master chose him to be his personal slave. Roan felt sorry for him.
Fergus gulped. “No, Master, I’ll stay because my loyalty.”
Roan murmured, “How can you’ll be so loyal to a master who treated you bad like that? I should have run by now if I were you.”
Fergus even paled. He really didn’t expect this.
“Forgive me, Fergus. I’m just upset. Forget my words,” Roan didn’t mean to say all that.
“It’s alright, Master.”
Roan just sighed. “Thank you, Fergus. If you mind I need to be alone.”
Fergus just nodded, and leaved the boy.
Fergus cried slightly as he closed the big door. His son had grown now. His son knew what should be done and not should be done. He had raised his son well. ‘I made it, Pat, I made it. He’s not going to be a slave like us.’
TBC
Sabtu, 07 November 2009
Love, Pain, and Loyalty 1
Chapter 1
Killarney, year 1780
Fergus couldn’t sleep; think of Pat who’s in slave house carrying his baby. She must been hurt. She was 9 months pregnant now and almost due. She was survived. His heart was broken, to see how he made her through this hell. He loved her so much, but he knew he couldn’t love somebody, or his lord would be mad. He was a personal servant to Lord Sheamon MacAodhagáin who never loved a woman, and now he had betrayed him of loving a girl, a slave. He knew his lord would kill him if he found this. So when Pat told him about her pregnancy, he tried to escape her, out from this hell. Being a slave had hard enough. Hard work and merciless punishment from Cruel, Captain of the Guards and Head of the slaves. And it would much hard when he found she was pregnant without a husband. Fergus was so scared they would hurt her and the baby. But he failed, and made her to pay it.
Flash Back
“You should get her out from here,” Cathal kept pushing. He was his friend slave and loved Pat too.
“I know. I’ll help you both to escape this night.”
“Only two of us? What about you?”
“I cannot go with you, Cathal.”
“You have to go too, Fergus. You cannot stay here. He will kill you someday.”
Fergus caught his breath as he remembered all the beatings, the whips, the slaps and kicks… yet they weren’t as bad as the abuse from Lord Sheamon. “I cannot go. He will notice if I’m gone, and he would run after where ever I may go. I would never be free.”
Cathal kept his mouth. He knew what it means.
“Tonight. I’ll get both of you out from here.”
Cathal just nodded.
“And Cathal, promised me to take a look care of my baby and her. I gave them to you.”
“But Fergus_“
“Just promised me, Cathal! They are the only thing I have. Swore to God, you will love them as much as you have. And tell her, that I love her so much.”
“I will.”
With somehow, Fergus succeeded of escaping them. His heart was beating so fast with relieved as he watched Cathal and Pat run across the massive field. He saw how hard Pat tried to run with her big belly.
“They will make it. The will across out from this hell” Fergus thought to himself.
But he had to swallow hard as Cruel had run behind them, ceased them.
Fergus’s heart beating so hard with prayed, that they will make it. He couldn’t see if they were caught. No!
But he was so hopeless, when finally Cruel had caught them and dragged them to the pole for the punishment.
Fergus closed his eyes, as he watched Pat tied up at the pole, back facing them, and hands above her heads. Both with Cathal. Fergus believed Cathal could take the beating, but Pat? She was pregnant!
Cathal got 100 lashes of whips, and 50 lashes for Pat of escaped. Cruel got angrier when he found she’s pregnant. She refused to tell who’s the father, and made her received 50 more. He couldn’t breath, how that sadistic man hurts his lover and his baby, and he couldn’t do anything or his Lord would killed him, and he had promised to her for not take a word about her. Don’t be a hero for her or saving her. She could take the beating but she couldn’t take the pain of seeing how his Lord will punish him. She was end up with unconscious without telling who the father is. Cathal got mad and had to given another 50, made him unconscious for five days nearly dead.
Next, Fergus had to watch Pat worked twice harder with the chain on her legs everyday. Months passed, her belly grows bigger and heavy, showed the baby inside, but not let the chain off from her legs. It made her worked with hard and difficulty. She took the beatings everyday of the mistake she made without resisted. This made Fergus sick and want to die. He wanted to break, but she never allowed him. One of them must live for the baby. If the Lord killed him, he would kill her anyway, then no one will race the baby. The baby must live. And this means Fergus had to live too.
Pat was so strong. Maybe she had to strong for Fergus and for the baby. No matter the chain killed her legs for months, with the beatings and the lack of food for her and the baby. But she knew the baby was fine inside. She had to hang on till it’s born. She hoped the baby will be a boy. As gorgeous as his father was, and never wanted to be like his father was, as personal service to his master. He had to be free. Free as a bird, not being a slave. How beauty wishing from a mother, even she knew, her baby wouldn’t go out from this slavery.
End of Flashback
Fergus heart sank, as he heard something from the slavery, brought him back from his memory.
“Pat!!” he quickly rushed out to the slavery.
When he got there, he found her fighting for breathing, tried not to make a noise or Cruel would heard.
“The baby will come out,” Cathal told him as he watched an old slave woman ready for help her to the labor. She knew about him and Pat, and of course knew this baby too. But she kept the secret for them.
“Fergus…” he heard she whimpered.
“I’m here, Pat,” Fergus held her hand tidily.
“The baby, Fergus… he has to come out,”
“I know. It will be out Pat, don’t worry.”
Then she tried held the pain not to scream.
“Alright, Pat, you can push now,” commanded her.
Fought the pain, she begun to push without make a sound.
Minutes passed, and she was still fighting without sign the baby will come out. But with the chain still in her legs, made her legs couldn’t spread. She had difficulty to take the baby out. The chain must off. But how?
“Well…well what we got here?” harsh voice asked.
Fergus looked up and saw Cruel.
“Where’s the key! That chain must off from her. She couldn’t get the baby out with her legs chained.”
“Let her away. And you, let your hand off of her. Don’t help her.”
“You bastard, do you want the baby die? They both could die!”
“Why you so bother, Fergus? She is just a slave.”
“Slave is a still a human.”
Cruel only laughed hard, made Fergus wanted to kill him.
“Arrgghhh!!!” Pat couldn’t bear the pain much longer. The baby had to be out, she couldn’t on this position. It stuck her. The blood ran down on her legs.
“Give me the key!!” Fergus grabbed Cruel on collar; he couldn’t see her in pain. He had enough to see her suffering.
“Hey, who do you think you are!?” he pointed back. “You’re just_”
“Let the chain off her,” a cold voice came from behind them, and shocking them, the whole slave house. It was Lord Sheamon.
Fergus and Cruel bowed with his come.
“Release her legs and let that maid help her!” his eyes never left Pat who’s lying with painfully
“But Milord…”
Lord Sheamon gave him a harsh look made him couldn’t say anything.
“Aye, Sir.” Cruel released Pat’s chain.
As the chain off, she could spread her legs wide, and tried again to push with so painfully, let the baby out. She knew, whose that voice was, and she knew what would wait her after this. Lord Master would kill both of them, but she didn’t care. At this moment, the baby was the first thing for her. The baby had to be born.
They were all standing there, watched the baby born. Fergus couldn’t speak as he stood beside his lord. He knew he would be punished for this, and he accepted it.
Then minutes later, with miracle, the baby came out with loud cried, break the silent of the night, as his mother passed out of exhausting.
“It’s a boy, Milord,” she told him as she held the baby on her arms.
Fergus relieved in so happy. It was a boy, like Pat wished. ‘Thank you Pat’ he wanted so much to hold her and kissed her, but couldn’t with the Lord Master stood with them there.
The lady cut the cord and carefully wrapped a blanket around the baby. They watched with amazingly, how the baby was born. Fergus’s eyes never left from the baby. His dark brown hair was much like his own, and it made him smile.
“Hey, what about Pat?”
“What about her?” Lord had asked her.
They back to Pat who fell unconscious, her blood wouldn’t stop. She was bleeding so badly, and so weak.
Fergus checked her pulse, and his heart stop beating … when he realized, she had gone.
He gulped, “She’s dead, Milord,” so hard, Fergus tried to hold his tears, hide his broken hearts.
“What a pity. But at least she had been a mother; even she didn’t see the boy.”
Fergus’s heart broke into five. His was right; Pat didn’t even see how her baby faces.
“Who’s the father!?” Lord Sheamon asked to the slaves
Fergus went white. He didn’t dare to show himself. Told him coward, but he was. He was so scared.
There was no one who wanted to commit this baby.
“I asked all of you, who are the father!?” His voice more angrier. But still no one dare to show. Even Fergus.
“Me, Milord,” Cathal stepped out with full of courage.
Fergus heart thudded. ‘No…not… you, Bri’
“Ah, you?” Sheamon as the young blond slave showed himself as the father.
“Yes, Milord.”
“Very good.” Without expression, He pulled out His gun, and,
Bang!! Right at Cathal’s forehead.
No one breathing. Shocked and paled.
Then He took a look a Pat’s body and Cathal’s
“Buried them well,” He gave a command. “And Fergus, take Roan,”
“Milord?”
“Take care this baby. He‘s my son now, I named him Roan,” then He went out from slave house.
Fergus was till shock with what he had heard. Unbelievable.
“Here your son, Fergus,” that women gave the little baby to him. For the first time, he held his own son.
“He will live with you, that is your chance to take care of him.”
“Yes, I know.”
“Forgive me, I couldn’t safe her.”
Fergus let the tears slipped out.
“Don’t show these tears. She had happy bring this baby to you. Make her happy more with racing him well.”
“Thank you.”
He looked at this baby, his son. “You are my son, Roan, and with all my heart I would protect you.”
Then with the last kiss, he took the baby to the castle, to his new father; Lord Sheamon.
TBC
Killarney, year 1780
Fergus couldn’t sleep; think of Pat who’s in slave house carrying his baby. She must been hurt. She was 9 months pregnant now and almost due. She was survived. His heart was broken, to see how he made her through this hell. He loved her so much, but he knew he couldn’t love somebody, or his lord would be mad. He was a personal servant to Lord Sheamon MacAodhagáin who never loved a woman, and now he had betrayed him of loving a girl, a slave. He knew his lord would kill him if he found this. So when Pat told him about her pregnancy, he tried to escape her, out from this hell. Being a slave had hard enough. Hard work and merciless punishment from Cruel, Captain of the Guards and Head of the slaves. And it would much hard when he found she was pregnant without a husband. Fergus was so scared they would hurt her and the baby. But he failed, and made her to pay it.
Flash Back
“You should get her out from here,” Cathal kept pushing. He was his friend slave and loved Pat too.
“I know. I’ll help you both to escape this night.”
“Only two of us? What about you?”
“I cannot go with you, Cathal.”
“You have to go too, Fergus. You cannot stay here. He will kill you someday.”
Fergus caught his breath as he remembered all the beatings, the whips, the slaps and kicks… yet they weren’t as bad as the abuse from Lord Sheamon. “I cannot go. He will notice if I’m gone, and he would run after where ever I may go. I would never be free.”
Cathal kept his mouth. He knew what it means.
“Tonight. I’ll get both of you out from here.”
Cathal just nodded.
“And Cathal, promised me to take a look care of my baby and her. I gave them to you.”
“But Fergus_“
“Just promised me, Cathal! They are the only thing I have. Swore to God, you will love them as much as you have. And tell her, that I love her so much.”
“I will.”
With somehow, Fergus succeeded of escaping them. His heart was beating so fast with relieved as he watched Cathal and Pat run across the massive field. He saw how hard Pat tried to run with her big belly.
“They will make it. The will across out from this hell” Fergus thought to himself.
But he had to swallow hard as Cruel had run behind them, ceased them.
Fergus’s heart beating so hard with prayed, that they will make it. He couldn’t see if they were caught. No!
But he was so hopeless, when finally Cruel had caught them and dragged them to the pole for the punishment.
Fergus closed his eyes, as he watched Pat tied up at the pole, back facing them, and hands above her heads. Both with Cathal. Fergus believed Cathal could take the beating, but Pat? She was pregnant!
Cathal got 100 lashes of whips, and 50 lashes for Pat of escaped. Cruel got angrier when he found she’s pregnant. She refused to tell who’s the father, and made her received 50 more. He couldn’t breath, how that sadistic man hurts his lover and his baby, and he couldn’t do anything or his Lord would killed him, and he had promised to her for not take a word about her. Don’t be a hero for her or saving her. She could take the beating but she couldn’t take the pain of seeing how his Lord will punish him. She was end up with unconscious without telling who the father is. Cathal got mad and had to given another 50, made him unconscious for five days nearly dead.
Next, Fergus had to watch Pat worked twice harder with the chain on her legs everyday. Months passed, her belly grows bigger and heavy, showed the baby inside, but not let the chain off from her legs. It made her worked with hard and difficulty. She took the beatings everyday of the mistake she made without resisted. This made Fergus sick and want to die. He wanted to break, but she never allowed him. One of them must live for the baby. If the Lord killed him, he would kill her anyway, then no one will race the baby. The baby must live. And this means Fergus had to live too.
Pat was so strong. Maybe she had to strong for Fergus and for the baby. No matter the chain killed her legs for months, with the beatings and the lack of food for her and the baby. But she knew the baby was fine inside. She had to hang on till it’s born. She hoped the baby will be a boy. As gorgeous as his father was, and never wanted to be like his father was, as personal service to his master. He had to be free. Free as a bird, not being a slave. How beauty wishing from a mother, even she knew, her baby wouldn’t go out from this slavery.
End of Flashback
Fergus heart sank, as he heard something from the slavery, brought him back from his memory.
“Pat!!” he quickly rushed out to the slavery.
When he got there, he found her fighting for breathing, tried not to make a noise or Cruel would heard.
“The baby will come out,” Cathal told him as he watched an old slave woman ready for help her to the labor. She knew about him and Pat, and of course knew this baby too. But she kept the secret for them.
“Fergus…” he heard she whimpered.
“I’m here, Pat,” Fergus held her hand tidily.
“The baby, Fergus… he has to come out,”
“I know. It will be out Pat, don’t worry.”
Then she tried held the pain not to scream.
“Alright, Pat, you can push now,” commanded her.
Fought the pain, she begun to push without make a sound.
Minutes passed, and she was still fighting without sign the baby will come out. But with the chain still in her legs, made her legs couldn’t spread. She had difficulty to take the baby out. The chain must off. But how?
“Well…well what we got here?” harsh voice asked.
Fergus looked up and saw Cruel.
“Where’s the key! That chain must off from her. She couldn’t get the baby out with her legs chained.”
“Let her away. And you, let your hand off of her. Don’t help her.”
“You bastard, do you want the baby die? They both could die!”
“Why you so bother, Fergus? She is just a slave.”
“Slave is a still a human.”
Cruel only laughed hard, made Fergus wanted to kill him.
“Arrgghhh!!!” Pat couldn’t bear the pain much longer. The baby had to be out, she couldn’t on this position. It stuck her. The blood ran down on her legs.
“Give me the key!!” Fergus grabbed Cruel on collar; he couldn’t see her in pain. He had enough to see her suffering.
“Hey, who do you think you are!?” he pointed back. “You’re just_”
“Let the chain off her,” a cold voice came from behind them, and shocking them, the whole slave house. It was Lord Sheamon.
Fergus and Cruel bowed with his come.
“Release her legs and let that maid help her!” his eyes never left Pat who’s lying with painfully
“But Milord…”
Lord Sheamon gave him a harsh look made him couldn’t say anything.
“Aye, Sir.” Cruel released Pat’s chain.
As the chain off, she could spread her legs wide, and tried again to push with so painfully, let the baby out. She knew, whose that voice was, and she knew what would wait her after this. Lord Master would kill both of them, but she didn’t care. At this moment, the baby was the first thing for her. The baby had to be born.
They were all standing there, watched the baby born. Fergus couldn’t speak as he stood beside his lord. He knew he would be punished for this, and he accepted it.
Then minutes later, with miracle, the baby came out with loud cried, break the silent of the night, as his mother passed out of exhausting.
“It’s a boy, Milord,” she told him as she held the baby on her arms.
Fergus relieved in so happy. It was a boy, like Pat wished. ‘Thank you Pat’ he wanted so much to hold her and kissed her, but couldn’t with the Lord Master stood with them there.
The lady cut the cord and carefully wrapped a blanket around the baby. They watched with amazingly, how the baby was born. Fergus’s eyes never left from the baby. His dark brown hair was much like his own, and it made him smile.
“Hey, what about Pat?”
“What about her?” Lord had asked her.
They back to Pat who fell unconscious, her blood wouldn’t stop. She was bleeding so badly, and so weak.
Fergus checked her pulse, and his heart stop beating … when he realized, she had gone.
He gulped, “She’s dead, Milord,” so hard, Fergus tried to hold his tears, hide his broken hearts.
“What a pity. But at least she had been a mother; even she didn’t see the boy.”
Fergus’s heart broke into five. His was right; Pat didn’t even see how her baby faces.
“Who’s the father!?” Lord Sheamon asked to the slaves
Fergus went white. He didn’t dare to show himself. Told him coward, but he was. He was so scared.
There was no one who wanted to commit this baby.
“I asked all of you, who are the father!?” His voice more angrier. But still no one dare to show. Even Fergus.
“Me, Milord,” Cathal stepped out with full of courage.
Fergus heart thudded. ‘No…not… you, Bri’
“Ah, you?” Sheamon as the young blond slave showed himself as the father.
“Yes, Milord.”
“Very good.” Without expression, He pulled out His gun, and,
Bang!! Right at Cathal’s forehead.
No one breathing. Shocked and paled.
Then He took a look a Pat’s body and Cathal’s
“Buried them well,” He gave a command. “And Fergus, take Roan,”
“Milord?”
“Take care this baby. He‘s my son now, I named him Roan,” then He went out from slave house.
Fergus was till shock with what he had heard. Unbelievable.
“Here your son, Fergus,” that women gave the little baby to him. For the first time, he held his own son.
“He will live with you, that is your chance to take care of him.”
“Yes, I know.”
“Forgive me, I couldn’t safe her.”
Fergus let the tears slipped out.
“Don’t show these tears. She had happy bring this baby to you. Make her happy more with racing him well.”
“Thank you.”
He looked at this baby, his son. “You are my son, Roan, and with all my heart I would protect you.”
Then with the last kiss, he took the baby to the castle, to his new father; Lord Sheamon.
TBC
Fragile Heart Chapter 23 – I’m Home
Chapter 23 – I’m Home
I wake up with fresh feeling, specialy to find Cian was still in my arms. I Kissed his forehead, his eyes, his nose, his cheek, till his little lips. I didn’t attend to wake him up, buit he did.
He opened his little eyes,
“Morning, Daniel?”
“Good morning, angel.”
He looked around, “Where are we?”
“In your attic.”
He numb, and scanned the room, “My room.”
“Yes, your room,” I smiled.
“But I don’t feel I had a bad dream last night. Should I have one, right, here where’s the terror was held?”
“But you didn’t?”
“No. In fact, I felt so warm and safe… I was in your arms,…?”
I blushed myself, “Yes, Cian, I held you tide, and I promised you won’t get anybad dreams.”
“And I hadn’t,” with smiling face. Then he hugged me, “I know I’m always safe with you, Daniel.”
I hugged him greedily. No need to said anything again.
As we come down, Nicky cheered Cian up like nothing happened last night. He was really understand how was Cian now. Maybe he had, so he could take this wisely. What a good lad.
After breakfast, Cian asked to go to the port, visiting the factory, where he used to work. So that day, we were on the port, watched the shipping. He met with Fergus, Nicky bestmate, who used to nice on him too. It was a great day. I felt so relax and so he was. Nicky was tried not to show his feelings. He was happy enough to have Cian’s home. That’s all the matters. His brother was home for him. Cian was home.
Only a week later, Cian was ready to visit his parent’s grave, back to ‘him’. And he looked a much more relax as he stood before ‘him’. Indeed he was smiling on him. He cheered them, and talked with them like they were still alive. It was good sign for him. And something shocked me,
“Ma, pa, you have met Daniel before. He is a good lad, and I love him very much. I don’t think I could live without him,” he looked at me with smiling face, then back to them, “So please blessed us for our love.”
I gulped with heart pounding. And something crossed my mind without any second. It was now or never. I took his hand and turned to them,
“Mr. and Mrs. Fiennes, I’m Daniel Adams. I love your son, and want to spend my life with him, so please give me permission to have your son for my whole life. I promise I will love him, respect him and protect him with all my heart.”
As I saw him, he was pale, in blured eyes, “Daniel…?”
I faced him and held his hand tight with nervous, “Cian, I love you very much, and I know we couldn’t be married, no one would allow us to be married. But I don’t care. With or without any legal law, I want to marry you and spend my whole life with you. No matter where we gonna live. I live with you. So…,” I took a deep berath, “Will you marry me, Ci?” I didn’t believed I would say that. But it happened, and now I expecting his replayed.
But he just looked at me tears. He cried! Oh, no, bad sign!
“Cian…?”
“Even if I want to stay here?”
“Yes!” without second thought. As long as with him.
“Yes, Daniel, I would love to,” with smiling full tears of joy.
A simple words who made me whole again. I hugged him tight, “Oh, Cian, thank you very much!”
“I thought you wouldn’t ask,” he asked shlyly.
“Thought you wouldn’t think about that!”
He had to smile. “I’m always wondering, when will you ask me.”
“And it’s now,” I smiled happily. “Yes, Mrs. Fiennes?” I turned to them like I was hearing them. I pretended to listen what she said.
“Yes, Ma’am, I promised I will love him with all my heart. You may killed me, Ma’am, if I ever hurt him,” I ensured her.
“Daniel…?” with his child questioning looks
“Shss…” I kept listening them.
“Yes, of course, Mr. Fiennes, don’t worry about that, I would make him visiting and talk with you everyday. He knows you love him.”
Cian had to smile for what I did. I smiled too,
“Well, they love you so much, Cian, they want you to happy, and I promised I’ll give you that.”
“Oh, Daniel, that so sweet.”
“You sweet to me, Ci.”
He blushed, and kissed me. “I love you, Daniel.”
“And I love you too, Cian.”
I sighed in happy feelings, “We better to tell the Sullivans. They ought to know about this.”
“Yes, they are,” he smiled the back to them, “See you later. I promised, I’ll comeback tomorrow. I’m home now.”
With that, we walked home with a great feeling. No one could ever describe our feelings. Let only us to felt this.
I knew Cian was happy. Happy for me, happy for Nicky, happy for his parents, and happy to be home. He told that on his letter to The Sullivans. It took pages, and still hadn’t enough. Cian was so happy. And on his last word,
“Mother, let me be married with Daniel, and live here with him.- Love Cian xxx”
Three months later
We got a guess. Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan, and my parents. We invited them to meet Nicky, someone who was very special for Cian, and for joining our celebration of our tied. It was for family gathering
It was so emotionally as Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan met Nicky again. It had very long time they didn’t meet, and I could feel how missed them to him. Nicky was like a son for them. Blessed them! And I could feel the happy feeling of our family as they could meet eachother; The Fiennes, The Sullivans, The Adams, The Doyles and The Breens. We made them. It was so gereat to have them together and blessing us, as we knew our marriage was still strange in our social. But they didn’t see that. As long as we were happy, the would happy too. It was for Cian. He had suffered enough when he was child, and the want to made him happy now. That was all. Again, blessed them. I loved them so much!
Well, was there I could say? NOTHING! I was sooo happy! I never been happy like this before. So beautiful, so right, and so perfect. I had everything now. New great life. Lived in a new country, had a new house right on the beach like Cian wished, had a new job as a local journalist, had new families, and new big brother and sister with the little nephew I never had before. But mostly I had Cian in my life and he loved me without anydoubt, that the most important who made me very happy. It was so perfect for me. It was so perfect with Cian. And wherevere I’m with him, I would feel home.
“Not only you who feel home, Ci, I’m either. Yes, I’m home now”.
THE END
I wake up with fresh feeling, specialy to find Cian was still in my arms. I Kissed his forehead, his eyes, his nose, his cheek, till his little lips. I didn’t attend to wake him up, buit he did.
He opened his little eyes,
“Morning, Daniel?”
“Good morning, angel.”
He looked around, “Where are we?”
“In your attic.”
He numb, and scanned the room, “My room.”
“Yes, your room,” I smiled.
“But I don’t feel I had a bad dream last night. Should I have one, right, here where’s the terror was held?”
“But you didn’t?”
“No. In fact, I felt so warm and safe… I was in your arms,…?”
I blushed myself, “Yes, Cian, I held you tide, and I promised you won’t get anybad dreams.”
“And I hadn’t,” with smiling face. Then he hugged me, “I know I’m always safe with you, Daniel.”
I hugged him greedily. No need to said anything again.
As we come down, Nicky cheered Cian up like nothing happened last night. He was really understand how was Cian now. Maybe he had, so he could take this wisely. What a good lad.
After breakfast, Cian asked to go to the port, visiting the factory, where he used to work. So that day, we were on the port, watched the shipping. He met with Fergus, Nicky bestmate, who used to nice on him too. It was a great day. I felt so relax and so he was. Nicky was tried not to show his feelings. He was happy enough to have Cian’s home. That’s all the matters. His brother was home for him. Cian was home.
Only a week later, Cian was ready to visit his parent’s grave, back to ‘him’. And he looked a much more relax as he stood before ‘him’. Indeed he was smiling on him. He cheered them, and talked with them like they were still alive. It was good sign for him. And something shocked me,
“Ma, pa, you have met Daniel before. He is a good lad, and I love him very much. I don’t think I could live without him,” he looked at me with smiling face, then back to them, “So please blessed us for our love.”
I gulped with heart pounding. And something crossed my mind without any second. It was now or never. I took his hand and turned to them,
“Mr. and Mrs. Fiennes, I’m Daniel Adams. I love your son, and want to spend my life with him, so please give me permission to have your son for my whole life. I promise I will love him, respect him and protect him with all my heart.”
As I saw him, he was pale, in blured eyes, “Daniel…?”
I faced him and held his hand tight with nervous, “Cian, I love you very much, and I know we couldn’t be married, no one would allow us to be married. But I don’t care. With or without any legal law, I want to marry you and spend my whole life with you. No matter where we gonna live. I live with you. So…,” I took a deep berath, “Will you marry me, Ci?” I didn’t believed I would say that. But it happened, and now I expecting his replayed.
But he just looked at me tears. He cried! Oh, no, bad sign!
“Cian…?”
“Even if I want to stay here?”
“Yes!” without second thought. As long as with him.
“Yes, Daniel, I would love to,” with smiling full tears of joy.
A simple words who made me whole again. I hugged him tight, “Oh, Cian, thank you very much!”
“I thought you wouldn’t ask,” he asked shlyly.
“Thought you wouldn’t think about that!”
He had to smile. “I’m always wondering, when will you ask me.”
“And it’s now,” I smiled happily. “Yes, Mrs. Fiennes?” I turned to them like I was hearing them. I pretended to listen what she said.
“Yes, Ma’am, I promised I will love him with all my heart. You may killed me, Ma’am, if I ever hurt him,” I ensured her.
“Daniel…?” with his child questioning looks
“Shss…” I kept listening them.
“Yes, of course, Mr. Fiennes, don’t worry about that, I would make him visiting and talk with you everyday. He knows you love him.”
Cian had to smile for what I did. I smiled too,
“Well, they love you so much, Cian, they want you to happy, and I promised I’ll give you that.”
“Oh, Daniel, that so sweet.”
“You sweet to me, Ci.”
He blushed, and kissed me. “I love you, Daniel.”
“And I love you too, Cian.”
I sighed in happy feelings, “We better to tell the Sullivans. They ought to know about this.”
“Yes, they are,” he smiled the back to them, “See you later. I promised, I’ll comeback tomorrow. I’m home now.”
With that, we walked home with a great feeling. No one could ever describe our feelings. Let only us to felt this.
I knew Cian was happy. Happy for me, happy for Nicky, happy for his parents, and happy to be home. He told that on his letter to The Sullivans. It took pages, and still hadn’t enough. Cian was so happy. And on his last word,
“Mother, let me be married with Daniel, and live here with him.- Love Cian xxx”
Three months later
We got a guess. Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan, and my parents. We invited them to meet Nicky, someone who was very special for Cian, and for joining our celebration of our tied. It was for family gathering
It was so emotionally as Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan met Nicky again. It had very long time they didn’t meet, and I could feel how missed them to him. Nicky was like a son for them. Blessed them! And I could feel the happy feeling of our family as they could meet eachother; The Fiennes, The Sullivans, The Adams, The Doyles and The Breens. We made them. It was so gereat to have them together and blessing us, as we knew our marriage was still strange in our social. But they didn’t see that. As long as we were happy, the would happy too. It was for Cian. He had suffered enough when he was child, and the want to made him happy now. That was all. Again, blessed them. I loved them so much!
Well, was there I could say? NOTHING! I was sooo happy! I never been happy like this before. So beautiful, so right, and so perfect. I had everything now. New great life. Lived in a new country, had a new house right on the beach like Cian wished, had a new job as a local journalist, had new families, and new big brother and sister with the little nephew I never had before. But mostly I had Cian in my life and he loved me without anydoubt, that the most important who made me very happy. It was so perfect for me. It was so perfect with Cian. And wherevere I’m with him, I would feel home.
“Not only you who feel home, Ci, I’m either. Yes, I’m home now”.
THE END
Fragile Heart Chapter 22 – His Letters
Chapter 22 – His Letters
I heard a whimper and moan beneath me, ‘Nicky..’ A cried bitterly. I woke up instantly. I expected to find Cian in a bad dream. But no, he was still sleeping in my arms, so peacefully. Yet, he was smiling too.
I bite lips to wait what happened, but yes, Cian was still in deep sleep. He didn’t cry, and didn’t moan. He slept in peace. I got confused. But it relieved me, Cian wasn’t in bad dream, in fact, it was me who got one! I was too freaked out him to get hurt again.
I sighed myself then looked at him. He was so beautiful, so right for me. How could I live without him.
I kissed him, “Please, Cian, don’t dumped me.”
As I watched him, I heard something from downstair. I looked down, and there’s Nicky was sitting on his couch enjoying his cigarette. For something I felt myself thirsty. Probably from my dream. I looked Cian who was still sleeping then deciced to get down.
“Hello,” I greeted him as I got down.
He turned to me and looked surprised, “Oh, hello,” and turned off his cigarret. “I’m sorry.”
I just smiled. “It’s alright.”
“I thought it was Cian. You know I couldn’t smoke when he’s arround.”
“Yea,” I remembered with the burnt marks over Cian’s body.
“I just knew what ‘he’s’ done to him from his books. I would never know if he never wrote it.”
“Yes, he wrote everything he couldn’t tell then.”
“Yes, I know. Cigarr?” he offered me one.
“No, thank you, I don’t smoke.”
“Oh, sorry. This one I’m trying to stop,” he smiled discomfort.
I just smiled. Then we were trapped like a stranger. I took some water and drank it slowly.
“I want to say thank you for accompanying him.”
“It was nothing,” I replied. “I had promises him to go where ever he goes. “
And he looked at me, till I got irittated.
“I love him very much, Nicky,” I had to straight away.
And he smiled, “I know that, it’s so clear.”
“I’m sorry,” I felt bad with him.
“For what? For loving him?”
I had to nod. “You know what bible said.”
“Yes, I know. But it was nothing if that love makes my brother happy. I dearly love him, you know?”
“Yes, of course I know. And he loves you too,” I let down my head to realized, I couldn’t compare him.
He just nodded. “But he loves you most.”
I had to raise my head. Unbelievable for what he said.
“No, I couldn’t take his heart while he still got you. You are his only love,” I couldn’t hide my sad face. So childish!
But he laughed. Not loudly, but enough to surprised me.
“Wanna bet, you already took it from the time you met him. I got myself jealous when found it.”
I bit my lips. “But still, you’re the most he loves. I took a tiny room on him, while you got the rest.”
He went silent within looked at me.
“And how’s your feel about that?”
“Kind a bit hurt, and desperate,” I said slighlty ‘fuck, why should I have this honest!’ Well, I realy couldn’t hide my feelings!
He then rose from his sit, and got to the drawer. He took a black box from it, then back to me.
He handed me, and I took it.
When I opened it, I shocked with what on in. Letters.
“Yes, it was Cian’s letters. Read it, and you will know where you are,” with smiled.
I took it and looked them. Yes, it’s from Cian addressed to Nicky.
“You kept them all?”
“Yea, from the first time he sent me one, till his last letter a year ago,” he smiled proudly.
Yea, Cian sent his last letter last year, when he finally gave up Nicky didn’t reply back.
I hesistated to read them. This belong to Nicky’s, not mine. I wouldn’t cross the line.
“Read them,” Nicky still insisted me.
Still in hesitate, I opened one of them.
“Oh, try with when he first time met you, I don’t quite remember when it was, but I think it’s seven years ago, try on October 1910. Try with that.”
Right away I searched the letter by that date, and I found it.
And with heart beating I opened it and started to read it.
October 20th 1910
Dear Nicky, it’s good to have your letter and to know you were alright. I’m fine here, don’t worry about me. It’s been a good day since I arrived here. Still bit strange for me, even this is what I’m dreaming of. Finally I go to school. I’m going to learn everything. It’s so fastinating. I wished you could be here with me, Nicky, I wished you were here. I feel so lonely. But grateful, I have a nice room mate. His name is Adams, Daniel Adams. He’s good lad, though I made a bad first night. I woke him up with my nightmare. It’s still there, Nicky, it’s still haunted me. But he was there. Daniel was there. Even he was scared too, but he was there for me. He comforted me, he hugged me, took me to the safeties palace, just like the way you used to do. I felt like I’m still having you. And I felt something about him, something I didn’t feel with you or with William. Something I couldn’t tell. My heart always beats so fast whenever I’m near him, and I couldn’t even talk whenever I’m with him. Could you tell me what is it, Nicky?
Love Cian xxx
My heart a bit pounded, then I moved to the next one. It was a few months later.
Dear, Nicky. I told him. I told my past. It was my fault. I woke him up with my nighmares. I couldn’t help it, Nicky, I’m sorry, and I told him everything. But I felt something different. For the first time I have no doubt telling my stories to somebody. And he promises to take care of me, that no one could ever hurt me again. He would protect me, and I feel so safe witn him. I’m sorry, Nicky, but I think I like him.
Nicky, can I love him?
Love Cian xxx
My heart became even pounding, beat very fast!
I moved to the next letter and next letter, it was talked about me. I never thought he would talk about me like this as he always talked about Nicky! I was so flatered. He had loved me from the first time we met!
Till I read one letter that got me cleary how he felt about me;
April, 29th 1914
…… So many nights I’d sit by my window, waiting for someone to sing me his song. So many dreams I kept deep insid me Alone in the dark but now. He've come along
He light up my life, he give me hope, to carry on. You light up my days and fill my nights with song
Rollin' at sea, adrift on the water. Could it be finally I'm turning for home? Finally, a chance to say hey, I love you. Never again to be all alone
I’m sorry, Nicky, I know what bible said, but it can't be wrong when it feels so right, ‘cause he light up my life. He got my whole life. He got my everything. I’m sorry Nicky, but he completed me. I love him.
I closed his letter and felt my own tears. He loved me that much.
“And with that letter, I decided to moved back,” Nicky’s voices brought me to reality. “There was nothing I should worry about. He got a nice family, a nice carrier, and the most he got something he loved and loved him. So many people who loved him and would take him care. He would fine. That’s why I stopped sending the letter.”
“But he loves you so much, he told me that everyday. He couldn’t lose you.”
“Daniel, there’s something you should know and understand, that a love for your brother is totally different to love for your soulmate. And he knows that. So he still loves me so much, but he has someone he loves most. You. Don’t doub’t his feelings. He’s tottaly yours.”
I looked at him with ashamed and fool inside, “I’m sorry, Nicky, I didn’t mean to doubt him, I just…”
“Yes, I know, Daniel, you are afraid of losing him, and I could understand that. It showed how much you love him, and I’m glad he found someone who really love him with unconditionall. Don’t worry, Daniel, you still the first one on his heart.”
I had to smile with a shame. Yes, I shouldn’t doubt Cian’s feeling. He really loved me.
“Nicky, thank you. Cian is right you are a million brother, I feel like have my own brother.”
He smiled, “Hey, let’s say, since you love my lit. brother, I’ve become your brother, that if you don’t mind having a poor brother like me,” he giggled.
“No, you are rich brother, Nicky, with your love and careness, you are very rich. No wonder Cian loves you so much.”
Nicky had to smiled, “Thank you very much.”
I sighed in relieved.
“Just take care my brother, Daniel, he is my precious thing.”
I smiled, “Well, you are the tenth person who made me promised that.”
“What? Who’s the others?”
“The Sullivans; Mr. and Mrs Sullivan, and his seven brothers.”
Nicky had to laugh. “Well, everyone loves Cian, he is so loveable, isn’t he?”
“Yes, he is,” with no doubt at all.
“Well, I heard you are a great lad, and that’s right. I trust in you, _” he didn’t finished his word as we heard a little shouted from up there.
“Daniel? DANIEL!?”
Without second thought I put down my glass and rushed upstair to found Cian was awake with terifed eyes and pale.
He bursted into me and hugged me tight
“I’m here, Ci,” I hugged him.
“Where were you?” he sounded like a little child.
“I just take a drink,” fast answered. “You got bad dream again?”
“No. It just so scared to wake up and not finding you here beside me. I thought I was losing you, Daniel.”
“No, Cian. You are not losing me, I didn’t go anywhere,” I comforted him.
“Please don’t leave me, Daniel, don’t leave me like he did,” the hug even tighted. You promised me.”
“Shss… it’s alright, I won’t going anywhere, Ci, I’m always with you, I promise,” I kept soothing him, and he felt relax then fell back to sleep in my arms.
I turned around and surprised to find Nicky was there, at the edge of the stairs, watched his brother. His face fell, I believed he heard what Cian said, and it hurt him. Cian even didn’t notice Nicky was there.
But he nodded and smiled to see me with Cian, and he deciced to move back.
I sighed and put Cian’s head on the pillow with not losing the hug. I wrapped him up, and he cuddled in my chest. Even in his sleep he still held me tide like he won’t to let go. This was so relieved me, and made everything clear and sure, that I shouldn’t have doubt his feelings. Cian loved me verymuch without any position. There was plenty room for me.
“Thank you, Cian. I love you, and I promised I won’t let you go for any reason,” I kissed his forehead.
TBC
I heard a whimper and moan beneath me, ‘Nicky..’ A cried bitterly. I woke up instantly. I expected to find Cian in a bad dream. But no, he was still sleeping in my arms, so peacefully. Yet, he was smiling too.
I bite lips to wait what happened, but yes, Cian was still in deep sleep. He didn’t cry, and didn’t moan. He slept in peace. I got confused. But it relieved me, Cian wasn’t in bad dream, in fact, it was me who got one! I was too freaked out him to get hurt again.
I sighed myself then looked at him. He was so beautiful, so right for me. How could I live without him.
I kissed him, “Please, Cian, don’t dumped me.”
As I watched him, I heard something from downstair. I looked down, and there’s Nicky was sitting on his couch enjoying his cigarette. For something I felt myself thirsty. Probably from my dream. I looked Cian who was still sleeping then deciced to get down.
“Hello,” I greeted him as I got down.
He turned to me and looked surprised, “Oh, hello,” and turned off his cigarret. “I’m sorry.”
I just smiled. “It’s alright.”
“I thought it was Cian. You know I couldn’t smoke when he’s arround.”
“Yea,” I remembered with the burnt marks over Cian’s body.
“I just knew what ‘he’s’ done to him from his books. I would never know if he never wrote it.”
“Yes, he wrote everything he couldn’t tell then.”
“Yes, I know. Cigarr?” he offered me one.
“No, thank you, I don’t smoke.”
“Oh, sorry. This one I’m trying to stop,” he smiled discomfort.
I just smiled. Then we were trapped like a stranger. I took some water and drank it slowly.
“I want to say thank you for accompanying him.”
“It was nothing,” I replied. “I had promises him to go where ever he goes. “
And he looked at me, till I got irittated.
“I love him very much, Nicky,” I had to straight away.
And he smiled, “I know that, it’s so clear.”
“I’m sorry,” I felt bad with him.
“For what? For loving him?”
I had to nod. “You know what bible said.”
“Yes, I know. But it was nothing if that love makes my brother happy. I dearly love him, you know?”
“Yes, of course I know. And he loves you too,” I let down my head to realized, I couldn’t compare him.
He just nodded. “But he loves you most.”
I had to raise my head. Unbelievable for what he said.
“No, I couldn’t take his heart while he still got you. You are his only love,” I couldn’t hide my sad face. So childish!
But he laughed. Not loudly, but enough to surprised me.
“Wanna bet, you already took it from the time you met him. I got myself jealous when found it.”
I bit my lips. “But still, you’re the most he loves. I took a tiny room on him, while you got the rest.”
He went silent within looked at me.
“And how’s your feel about that?”
“Kind a bit hurt, and desperate,” I said slighlty ‘fuck, why should I have this honest!’ Well, I realy couldn’t hide my feelings!
He then rose from his sit, and got to the drawer. He took a black box from it, then back to me.
He handed me, and I took it.
When I opened it, I shocked with what on in. Letters.
“Yes, it was Cian’s letters. Read it, and you will know where you are,” with smiled.
I took it and looked them. Yes, it’s from Cian addressed to Nicky.
“You kept them all?”
“Yea, from the first time he sent me one, till his last letter a year ago,” he smiled proudly.
Yea, Cian sent his last letter last year, when he finally gave up Nicky didn’t reply back.
I hesistated to read them. This belong to Nicky’s, not mine. I wouldn’t cross the line.
“Read them,” Nicky still insisted me.
Still in hesitate, I opened one of them.
“Oh, try with when he first time met you, I don’t quite remember when it was, but I think it’s seven years ago, try on October 1910. Try with that.”
Right away I searched the letter by that date, and I found it.
And with heart beating I opened it and started to read it.
October 20th 1910
Dear Nicky, it’s good to have your letter and to know you were alright. I’m fine here, don’t worry about me. It’s been a good day since I arrived here. Still bit strange for me, even this is what I’m dreaming of. Finally I go to school. I’m going to learn everything. It’s so fastinating. I wished you could be here with me, Nicky, I wished you were here. I feel so lonely. But grateful, I have a nice room mate. His name is Adams, Daniel Adams. He’s good lad, though I made a bad first night. I woke him up with my nightmare. It’s still there, Nicky, it’s still haunted me. But he was there. Daniel was there. Even he was scared too, but he was there for me. He comforted me, he hugged me, took me to the safeties palace, just like the way you used to do. I felt like I’m still having you. And I felt something about him, something I didn’t feel with you or with William. Something I couldn’t tell. My heart always beats so fast whenever I’m near him, and I couldn’t even talk whenever I’m with him. Could you tell me what is it, Nicky?
Love Cian xxx
My heart a bit pounded, then I moved to the next one. It was a few months later.
Dear, Nicky. I told him. I told my past. It was my fault. I woke him up with my nighmares. I couldn’t help it, Nicky, I’m sorry, and I told him everything. But I felt something different. For the first time I have no doubt telling my stories to somebody. And he promises to take care of me, that no one could ever hurt me again. He would protect me, and I feel so safe witn him. I’m sorry, Nicky, but I think I like him.
Nicky, can I love him?
Love Cian xxx
My heart became even pounding, beat very fast!
I moved to the next letter and next letter, it was talked about me. I never thought he would talk about me like this as he always talked about Nicky! I was so flatered. He had loved me from the first time we met!
Till I read one letter that got me cleary how he felt about me;
April, 29th 1914
…… So many nights I’d sit by my window, waiting for someone to sing me his song. So many dreams I kept deep insid me Alone in the dark but now. He've come along
He light up my life, he give me hope, to carry on. You light up my days and fill my nights with song
Rollin' at sea, adrift on the water. Could it be finally I'm turning for home? Finally, a chance to say hey, I love you. Never again to be all alone
I’m sorry, Nicky, I know what bible said, but it can't be wrong when it feels so right, ‘cause he light up my life. He got my whole life. He got my everything. I’m sorry Nicky, but he completed me. I love him.
I closed his letter and felt my own tears. He loved me that much.
“And with that letter, I decided to moved back,” Nicky’s voices brought me to reality. “There was nothing I should worry about. He got a nice family, a nice carrier, and the most he got something he loved and loved him. So many people who loved him and would take him care. He would fine. That’s why I stopped sending the letter.”
“But he loves you so much, he told me that everyday. He couldn’t lose you.”
“Daniel, there’s something you should know and understand, that a love for your brother is totally different to love for your soulmate. And he knows that. So he still loves me so much, but he has someone he loves most. You. Don’t doub’t his feelings. He’s tottaly yours.”
I looked at him with ashamed and fool inside, “I’m sorry, Nicky, I didn’t mean to doubt him, I just…”
“Yes, I know, Daniel, you are afraid of losing him, and I could understand that. It showed how much you love him, and I’m glad he found someone who really love him with unconditionall. Don’t worry, Daniel, you still the first one on his heart.”
I had to smile with a shame. Yes, I shouldn’t doubt Cian’s feeling. He really loved me.
“Nicky, thank you. Cian is right you are a million brother, I feel like have my own brother.”
He smiled, “Hey, let’s say, since you love my lit. brother, I’ve become your brother, that if you don’t mind having a poor brother like me,” he giggled.
“No, you are rich brother, Nicky, with your love and careness, you are very rich. No wonder Cian loves you so much.”
Nicky had to smiled, “Thank you very much.”
I sighed in relieved.
“Just take care my brother, Daniel, he is my precious thing.”
I smiled, “Well, you are the tenth person who made me promised that.”
“What? Who’s the others?”
“The Sullivans; Mr. and Mrs Sullivan, and his seven brothers.”
Nicky had to laugh. “Well, everyone loves Cian, he is so loveable, isn’t he?”
“Yes, he is,” with no doubt at all.
“Well, I heard you are a great lad, and that’s right. I trust in you, _” he didn’t finished his word as we heard a little shouted from up there.
“Daniel? DANIEL!?”
Without second thought I put down my glass and rushed upstair to found Cian was awake with terifed eyes and pale.
He bursted into me and hugged me tight
“I’m here, Ci,” I hugged him.
“Where were you?” he sounded like a little child.
“I just take a drink,” fast answered. “You got bad dream again?”
“No. It just so scared to wake up and not finding you here beside me. I thought I was losing you, Daniel.”
“No, Cian. You are not losing me, I didn’t go anywhere,” I comforted him.
“Please don’t leave me, Daniel, don’t leave me like he did,” the hug even tighted. You promised me.”
“Shss… it’s alright, I won’t going anywhere, Ci, I’m always with you, I promise,” I kept soothing him, and he felt relax then fell back to sleep in my arms.
I turned around and surprised to find Nicky was there, at the edge of the stairs, watched his brother. His face fell, I believed he heard what Cian said, and it hurt him. Cian even didn’t notice Nicky was there.
But he nodded and smiled to see me with Cian, and he deciced to move back.
I sighed and put Cian’s head on the pillow with not losing the hug. I wrapped him up, and he cuddled in my chest. Even in his sleep he still held me tide like he won’t to let go. This was so relieved me, and made everything clear and sure, that I shouldn’t have doubt his feelings. Cian loved me verymuch without any position. There was plenty room for me.
“Thank you, Cian. I love you, and I promised I won’t let you go for any reason,” I kissed his forehead.
TBC
Fragile Heart Chapter 21 – Face the Fear
Chapter 21 – Face the Fear
I woke up in the morning and saw the sight. Cian was sleeping on Nicky’s lap. Nicky was still sleeping too, and he looked so comfortable with Cian on his arms. It was sure they were so comfort hugging each other. My heart fell with the sight, and I had to take a deep breath to control my feeling.
Just right in time, Nicky was opening his eyes. We were right eyes to eyes. I felt bit uncomfort, as well as him to me find him hugging Cian.
“Ng… I’m sorry; I hope you don’t mind…”
“Of course,” I could only say that, well, what I could I say?
“Don’t have to worry; I won’t take him from you, Daniel. He’s all yours,” he smiled, made me blushed; he knew what I was thinking!
Then he turned to see his brother. Cian was so angelic with his sleeping face. Nicky had to smile. He kissed Cian’s forehead, not attend to wake him up. But he woke.
“D…Daniel…” his little eyes slightly opened.
My heart pounded as heard my name on he’s first calling from sleep.
“No, Cian, it’s me… Nicky,” he sounded jealous.
Cian opened his full eyes, and see Nicky right before his face.
“Oh, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean…” Cian went blushed.
Nicky just smiled, “It’s alright, Cian.”
Cian saw me and he realized where he was, still on Nicky’s lap! He rose up immediately as he saw Kate was there too.
“I’m sorry, Kate,” Cian even red.
But she just smiled, “It’s alright, Cian, he is yours too.”
Cian looked at me to see my reaction, and I had to nod; say it was alright, and Cian smiled gladly.
“Are you going to work?” Cian asked Nicky on breakfast
Nicky went silent a while, “What’s wrong?”
“Oh, nothing,” he hesitate to continue.
“What’s wrong, Cian?”
Cian just shook his head
“No, I’m not going to work,” Nicky decided.
Even it confused him, Nicky’s answered made Cian glad.
“I won’t go anywhere, Cian, just in case you will leave again,” Nicky teased him.
Cian blushed, “No, I won’t leave that fast, Nicky. We just met.”
Nicky had to giggled, “Yes, of course. But still I don’t want go anywhere. I just want to spend my day with you.”
Cian let out his big grinned.
So we were staying at home, let the brothers spend they love together. They still missed eachother. And Cian played with his beloved nephew. All I could see was the happiest face on Cian. He looked more relax than yesterday. Yes, of course, Nicky was with him. No one could make Cian happy but Nicky. He was the one who could make Cian smile and happy. I think Cian knew who the one he always love. Nicky. And all I could do just holding my feelings, hold all the jealousy. ‘Please, God, help me, give me strength! Please, let Cian loves me too, and I could still be his Nicky.’
At noon, Cian suddenly asked to go out.
“Can we go to the port?” he asked slightly.
“Sure. What are you gonna see Cian?” Nicky smiled.
“Nothing. I just want to see where I used to work.”
Nicky had to smiled, “Cian, you were only worked one day”
“Yeah, one day, my free day. I could never be so free than that day. I wouldn’t forget that day, Nicky.”
Nicky bit his lips. ‘Of course, he could still remember that day. How Cian was smiling so happily. No beatings, and have his own money. He even bought the book he loved. Yeah, that was the happiest day for him, during the hellish day with ‘him’,
“And I want to meet Mr. Doyle. He had very kind to me then,” Cian smiled with enthusiasm.
But this made Nicky went silent. ‘Yes, Cian hasn’t known yet.’
Nicky took his deep breath, “Cian… Mr Doyle had passed away two years ago.”
This made Cian pale silent.
“I’m sorry, Cian,” Nicky took his hand gently.
“I haven’t say thank you to him.”
“No need to, Ci, he has already known,” Nicky gave a warm smiled.
Cian was still in silent.
“Can we go to his grave?”
“Sure, Cian, I’ll take you there.”
Cian finnaly smile slightly.
No need to be asked, I was coming with him. We went to the cemetery, to visit Mr. Doyle.
As we arrived Cian was standing beside Mr. Doyle’s grave. He talked something to him. I just smiled watching him so respectful to the people who used to love him. I knew now, Cian was the person who will never forget to the people who loved him. He had showed it to Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan, Mrs. Tuck, and now Mr. Doyle. ‘How lovely person you are, Ci. I love you even more.’
I looked around, and suddenly my eyes cought to the strange feeling of one grave right behind me. Something told me, that this one was from Cian’s past. I read the name, and it shocked me, ‘Jack Fiennes’. Could this be ‘him’, the bastard who made Cian’s life like hell? I hope he wasn’t. I tried to ignor it. But before I turned away, Cian caught me up. He looked to Nicky who had already silent.
Without a word, Cian went to ‘him’, and found where ‘he’s laying. And he froze. Jack Fiennes was laying right beside Patricia Fiennes, his mother. Mother he never visited as ‘he’ never let him out.
I rushed to him and held his hand gently. I knew, Cian was not ready for this. He was not ready to meet ‘him’, even only his grave.
“’He’s here Daniel,”
“Yes, Ci. But we can go, if you feel not ready yet.”
Nicky looked worried too. But, Cian didn’t move from where he stood. And he was cry slightly.
“Cian…”
“No, Daniel, I’m alright. It’s just little bit shocked,” he took his breath for controlling his feeling.
Nicky even couldn’t say anything. He didn’t mean to take Cian to ‘him’, he was quite sure; Cian was not ready yet to meet him.
“I’m sorry, Cian, I shouldn’t take you here.”
“No. I’m fine Nicky. It just little bit strange to meet ‘him’ again, even only ‘his’ name, and mam.”
“I know.”
“It’s so strange, Nicky. I missed ‘him’, but I’m scared to meet him again. And yet, there’s a big relieved I don’t have to meet ‘him’ again. And I’m not sure ‘he was willing to meet me again.”
“Yes, he was, Cian… Do you know what he always said before he gone?”
Cian shooked his head slightly
“He said; ‘I want to see my little man home’. He really wanted to see you, and wanted to give you a kiss. He wished one kiss would ease all mistakes he’s done to you.”
Cian went silent.
“Did ‘he’ ever say that he loves me?”
“Well, maybe ‘he’s never telling it, but I knew he loves you, Ci, even he didn’t know how to show it.”
“Yes, I could understand that. And I feel I love him too,” as he turned to me and smiled. I smiled too.
Cian took a deep breath, and then looked at me.
“Can we go now?” he asked slightly
I nodded, “Sure,” I knew Cian was still not ready to meet him. Maybe later. I looked to Nicky and he nodded too.
“Yeah, sure.” Nicky sighed, “Would you like too meet Mrs. Doyle?” he tried to change the subject.
He smiled, “Yes, of course.”
Nicky just nodded and led the way. As we walked, Cian held my hand tightly. I felt his nervous and I just could hold him warmly to give a comfort.
So we met Mrs. Doyle. She was a fine lady. Very kind and very clear how much she loved Nicky. She was surprised with Cian’s coming. She knew Nicky had waited for him for a long time, and she could feel how happy Nicky’s now, and no doubt, she was delighted too. She just wished his husband were there with them to see Cian’s now. The poor little boy had taken a lot his attention. But maybe he watched him too with happy smile.
We spent time there till evening, and as we came back, Kate was preparing our dinner.
We ate together like a happy family. And I thought we were gonna have a chat after diner, but I saw Cian looked tired. Well, today had taken a lot his energy, physically and mentally. Yes, he’s tired with those.
“Wanna go bed early?” I asked him carefully
But he bit his lips, and took a sigh to the attic. So clear the fearness and the trauma came back through his eyes. I realized he hadn’t gone upstairs since his arriving.
“You don’t have to sleep there, Cian,” I said slightly, and looked to Nicky.
“Yea, Ci, you could sleep here, on the coach, like we were last night,” Nicky tried to cheer the air.
Cian gulped, then smiled, “No, thank you. Upstairs fine to me,” he sounded like battling with something.
Well, I was not sure. “Cian…”
But Cian took my hand, “Lead me there, Daniel.”
I just sighed and nodded.
“Excuse us,” Cian said politely.
Nicky and Kate just nodded.
I led him upstairs. He took a very slowy step and very nervous. He didn’t let off my hand, and even tighter, as we were arrived.
And yes he had to hold his breath and fought his feeling. He was battling with the air of agony which was still strong.
“I’m here,” I was ready for his collapsed.
But he hanged there.
He approached the bed and sat in it.
“I laid here, Daniel, everynight with painfully,” his voice was so small.
“I know, Ci,” kept held him.
“Curled ball, tried to ease the pain. Tried to sleep, tried not to cry. “
“I know, Ci,” held my breath. I didn’t want to hear this.
But he kept continue, “It was so hard then, Daniel. But I had too, or another beating would come. And I did it. And Nicky would wrapped me, took me to the safetiest place,” he smiled bitterly.
“Yes, I know,” I held him tight. “You don’t have to sleep here, Ci,” I insisted. I didn’t want to get him much hurt.
“It’s okay, Daniel. I’ll be fine. You’ll be here right?”
“Of course.”
“Then I would be fine,” he then tried to laid his body on the bed, and he had had to held his breath. He took a very deep breath, controlling his feelings.
“Lay with me, Daniel. Hold me, so I won’t get any bad dreams”
I nodded and laid my body beside him. Pulled him in my arms and hugged him, took him too the safetiest place,
“I’m here, Ci, you won’t get any bad dream,” I pulled him even tighter, and he pushed himself to me. I smiled in relieved. I still had him. It was so good to have him like this. I kissed his forehead, then tried to sleep myself, hoping Cian would still have a room for me. That was all I need.
TBC
I woke up in the morning and saw the sight. Cian was sleeping on Nicky’s lap. Nicky was still sleeping too, and he looked so comfortable with Cian on his arms. It was sure they were so comfort hugging each other. My heart fell with the sight, and I had to take a deep breath to control my feeling.
Just right in time, Nicky was opening his eyes. We were right eyes to eyes. I felt bit uncomfort, as well as him to me find him hugging Cian.
“Ng… I’m sorry; I hope you don’t mind…”
“Of course,” I could only say that, well, what I could I say?
“Don’t have to worry; I won’t take him from you, Daniel. He’s all yours,” he smiled, made me blushed; he knew what I was thinking!
Then he turned to see his brother. Cian was so angelic with his sleeping face. Nicky had to smile. He kissed Cian’s forehead, not attend to wake him up. But he woke.
“D…Daniel…” his little eyes slightly opened.
My heart pounded as heard my name on he’s first calling from sleep.
“No, Cian, it’s me… Nicky,” he sounded jealous.
Cian opened his full eyes, and see Nicky right before his face.
“Oh, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean…” Cian went blushed.
Nicky just smiled, “It’s alright, Cian.”
Cian saw me and he realized where he was, still on Nicky’s lap! He rose up immediately as he saw Kate was there too.
“I’m sorry, Kate,” Cian even red.
But she just smiled, “It’s alright, Cian, he is yours too.”
Cian looked at me to see my reaction, and I had to nod; say it was alright, and Cian smiled gladly.
“Are you going to work?” Cian asked Nicky on breakfast
Nicky went silent a while, “What’s wrong?”
“Oh, nothing,” he hesitate to continue.
“What’s wrong, Cian?”
Cian just shook his head
“No, I’m not going to work,” Nicky decided.
Even it confused him, Nicky’s answered made Cian glad.
“I won’t go anywhere, Cian, just in case you will leave again,” Nicky teased him.
Cian blushed, “No, I won’t leave that fast, Nicky. We just met.”
Nicky had to giggled, “Yes, of course. But still I don’t want go anywhere. I just want to spend my day with you.”
Cian let out his big grinned.
So we were staying at home, let the brothers spend they love together. They still missed eachother. And Cian played with his beloved nephew. All I could see was the happiest face on Cian. He looked more relax than yesterday. Yes, of course, Nicky was with him. No one could make Cian happy but Nicky. He was the one who could make Cian smile and happy. I think Cian knew who the one he always love. Nicky. And all I could do just holding my feelings, hold all the jealousy. ‘Please, God, help me, give me strength! Please, let Cian loves me too, and I could still be his Nicky.’
At noon, Cian suddenly asked to go out.
“Can we go to the port?” he asked slightly.
“Sure. What are you gonna see Cian?” Nicky smiled.
“Nothing. I just want to see where I used to work.”
Nicky had to smiled, “Cian, you were only worked one day”
“Yeah, one day, my free day. I could never be so free than that day. I wouldn’t forget that day, Nicky.”
Nicky bit his lips. ‘Of course, he could still remember that day. How Cian was smiling so happily. No beatings, and have his own money. He even bought the book he loved. Yeah, that was the happiest day for him, during the hellish day with ‘him’,
“And I want to meet Mr. Doyle. He had very kind to me then,” Cian smiled with enthusiasm.
But this made Nicky went silent. ‘Yes, Cian hasn’t known yet.’
Nicky took his deep breath, “Cian… Mr Doyle had passed away two years ago.”
This made Cian pale silent.
“I’m sorry, Cian,” Nicky took his hand gently.
“I haven’t say thank you to him.”
“No need to, Ci, he has already known,” Nicky gave a warm smiled.
Cian was still in silent.
“Can we go to his grave?”
“Sure, Cian, I’ll take you there.”
Cian finnaly smile slightly.
No need to be asked, I was coming with him. We went to the cemetery, to visit Mr. Doyle.
As we arrived Cian was standing beside Mr. Doyle’s grave. He talked something to him. I just smiled watching him so respectful to the people who used to love him. I knew now, Cian was the person who will never forget to the people who loved him. He had showed it to Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan, Mrs. Tuck, and now Mr. Doyle. ‘How lovely person you are, Ci. I love you even more.’
I looked around, and suddenly my eyes cought to the strange feeling of one grave right behind me. Something told me, that this one was from Cian’s past. I read the name, and it shocked me, ‘Jack Fiennes’. Could this be ‘him’, the bastard who made Cian’s life like hell? I hope he wasn’t. I tried to ignor it. But before I turned away, Cian caught me up. He looked to Nicky who had already silent.
Without a word, Cian went to ‘him’, and found where ‘he’s laying. And he froze. Jack Fiennes was laying right beside Patricia Fiennes, his mother. Mother he never visited as ‘he’ never let him out.
I rushed to him and held his hand gently. I knew, Cian was not ready for this. He was not ready to meet ‘him’, even only his grave.
“’He’s here Daniel,”
“Yes, Ci. But we can go, if you feel not ready yet.”
Nicky looked worried too. But, Cian didn’t move from where he stood. And he was cry slightly.
“Cian…”
“No, Daniel, I’m alright. It’s just little bit shocked,” he took his breath for controlling his feeling.
Nicky even couldn’t say anything. He didn’t mean to take Cian to ‘him’, he was quite sure; Cian was not ready yet to meet him.
“I’m sorry, Cian, I shouldn’t take you here.”
“No. I’m fine Nicky. It just little bit strange to meet ‘him’ again, even only ‘his’ name, and mam.”
“I know.”
“It’s so strange, Nicky. I missed ‘him’, but I’m scared to meet him again. And yet, there’s a big relieved I don’t have to meet ‘him’ again. And I’m not sure ‘he was willing to meet me again.”
“Yes, he was, Cian… Do you know what he always said before he gone?”
Cian shooked his head slightly
“He said; ‘I want to see my little man home’. He really wanted to see you, and wanted to give you a kiss. He wished one kiss would ease all mistakes he’s done to you.”
Cian went silent.
“Did ‘he’ ever say that he loves me?”
“Well, maybe ‘he’s never telling it, but I knew he loves you, Ci, even he didn’t know how to show it.”
“Yes, I could understand that. And I feel I love him too,” as he turned to me and smiled. I smiled too.
Cian took a deep breath, and then looked at me.
“Can we go now?” he asked slightly
I nodded, “Sure,” I knew Cian was still not ready to meet him. Maybe later. I looked to Nicky and he nodded too.
“Yeah, sure.” Nicky sighed, “Would you like too meet Mrs. Doyle?” he tried to change the subject.
He smiled, “Yes, of course.”
Nicky just nodded and led the way. As we walked, Cian held my hand tightly. I felt his nervous and I just could hold him warmly to give a comfort.
So we met Mrs. Doyle. She was a fine lady. Very kind and very clear how much she loved Nicky. She was surprised with Cian’s coming. She knew Nicky had waited for him for a long time, and she could feel how happy Nicky’s now, and no doubt, she was delighted too. She just wished his husband were there with them to see Cian’s now. The poor little boy had taken a lot his attention. But maybe he watched him too with happy smile.
We spent time there till evening, and as we came back, Kate was preparing our dinner.
We ate together like a happy family. And I thought we were gonna have a chat after diner, but I saw Cian looked tired. Well, today had taken a lot his energy, physically and mentally. Yes, he’s tired with those.
“Wanna go bed early?” I asked him carefully
But he bit his lips, and took a sigh to the attic. So clear the fearness and the trauma came back through his eyes. I realized he hadn’t gone upstairs since his arriving.
“You don’t have to sleep there, Cian,” I said slightly, and looked to Nicky.
“Yea, Ci, you could sleep here, on the coach, like we were last night,” Nicky tried to cheer the air.
Cian gulped, then smiled, “No, thank you. Upstairs fine to me,” he sounded like battling with something.
Well, I was not sure. “Cian…”
But Cian took my hand, “Lead me there, Daniel.”
I just sighed and nodded.
“Excuse us,” Cian said politely.
Nicky and Kate just nodded.
I led him upstairs. He took a very slowy step and very nervous. He didn’t let off my hand, and even tighter, as we were arrived.
And yes he had to hold his breath and fought his feeling. He was battling with the air of agony which was still strong.
“I’m here,” I was ready for his collapsed.
But he hanged there.
He approached the bed and sat in it.
“I laid here, Daniel, everynight with painfully,” his voice was so small.
“I know, Ci,” kept held him.
“Curled ball, tried to ease the pain. Tried to sleep, tried not to cry. “
“I know, Ci,” held my breath. I didn’t want to hear this.
But he kept continue, “It was so hard then, Daniel. But I had too, or another beating would come. And I did it. And Nicky would wrapped me, took me to the safetiest place,” he smiled bitterly.
“Yes, I know,” I held him tight. “You don’t have to sleep here, Ci,” I insisted. I didn’t want to get him much hurt.
“It’s okay, Daniel. I’ll be fine. You’ll be here right?”
“Of course.”
“Then I would be fine,” he then tried to laid his body on the bed, and he had had to held his breath. He took a very deep breath, controlling his feelings.
“Lay with me, Daniel. Hold me, so I won’t get any bad dreams”
I nodded and laid my body beside him. Pulled him in my arms and hugged him, took him too the safetiest place,
“I’m here, Ci, you won’t get any bad dream,” I pulled him even tighter, and he pushed himself to me. I smiled in relieved. I still had him. It was so good to have him like this. I kissed his forehead, then tried to sleep myself, hoping Cian would still have a room for me. That was all I need.
TBC
Fragile Heart Chapter 20 - Reunion
Chapter 20 – Reunion
Nicky was still frozen. The strange feeling rushed into his blood looking this young man. His heart was beating so fast, couldn’t believe it. ‘But could it be?’ But that face, it was really him. He wouldn’t forget his little face. He hasn’t change!’ He wasn't too tall but had an amazing clear complexion, full lips, long eyelashes and the bluest eyes. Nicky was like see his mother. He had really mam’s pretty face. It was really him!
His eyes started to blur as he was sure about this young man.
But Cian was different. He turned to pale as he saw this big lad. He reminded him to ‘him’. Nicky was so likely ‘him’. Big body and muscular, just like ‘him’! And that made Cian hesitate to take approached. The fear was coming on him. He was not sure this was Nicky he had expected. But he was Nicky!
I looked Cian who was still frozen and hesitated. I shook his hand gently to push him approached. He looked me and I nodded,
“Nicky…?” finally he called him slowly.
“Ci…?”
With that called, Cian burst into Nicky’s arms. He hugged his brother tightly.
He swore, as he hugged his brother, he was sure this was Nicky he used to know. He was not ‘him’. This was Nicky who used to hug him and comforted him. Cian was so glad and cried on Nicky’s shoulder.
“You home, Cian,” Nicky even tight hugged his little brother, like he would never go again.
“Yes, Nicky, I’m home.”
“I know you will come home, Cian, I know it,” he kissed his brother head. He felt his own tears
Cian just nodded in Nicky’s arm. How’s good to be on this arms. He had missed this arm so much. He needed these arms to hug him. He needed Nicky so much!
“And you’re talking now?” Nicky giggled gladly. “I thought I wouldn’t hear your voice again, Ci.”
Cian had to smile in his cried, “There’s no one would stopped me to speak again.”
“Yes, I know, Cian,” he hugged him again, never stopped Cissing his head
Me and Kate just stood not far from them with tears. They finally meet again after 12 years being separated
They were hugging quite long, like would never let go.
Until they broke the hug.
“Oh, this is my partner, Daniel Adams,” Cian introduced me. “He always accompanying me even took this home journey.”
I shook Nicky’s big and strong hand. A typical of a labor hands.
“When were you arrived?”
“Yesterday. We were delayed by the storm. But thankfully we could be here alive.”
Nicky smiled full of glad. He looked his brother mesmerized. Cian was home!
Then he turned on me,
“Thank you for accompanying my brother, Sir,” with his Irish accent.
“It’s Mark. I always am with him, Sir,” I smiled.
“Nicky would be fine.”
I nodded politely.
“Alright, why don’t we celebrate this with a special dinner!?” Katherine broke the tenses with cheerful. “I’ve made a special dinner.”
“Of course, we have to celebrate this! Come!” Nicky invited us for dinner.
We were dining with warm and full of love. The devils of the past were forgotten. Cian felt so safe and comfort being close with Nicky. Nicky who was always protect him, and did anything for him.
After dinner, we had a chat. Surely there so much they wanted to talk after 12 years didn’t see each other. Everything they didn’t tell on letter. Me and Kate joined the chat like a family. Well, we were family. And I could feel Cian was feeling home. He was home, back to Nicky.
“I have something for you, Nicky.”
Nicky stunned, and smiled curiously
Cian smiled at me and pulled out the book, then handed to Nicky
“What this?” Nicky took it.
“Your story?”
Nicky bite his lips, especially as he saw the cover title, “Nicholas My Brother’ by ‘Cian Fiennes’ not ‘Key Sullivan’.
“Hopefully you didn’t mind I wrote down about you. It’s one of my cures if I want to see you. I tell everything about you, feel you where there and see you everywhere. It’s my private things. I never attend to published it. I keep it for me and I will give to you.”
“Ci…” Nicky was speechless. He opened it, and read it page by page. It was all about him.
“Everything I wanted to tell you the, is written there.
“I hope you don’t mind and will accept it.”
Nicky only could smiled emotionally, and hugged Cian tightly
“Thank you, of course I will accept it. I will read and keep it well. Thank you.”
Nicky broke the hug and looked back the book, see everything on Cian’s head and heart that, everything I was afraid to tell and to showed.
“I have something for you too, Cian. Maybe you have forgotten, but I keep you. It was left when you were leaving, and I keep it for you,” he pulled out something from his coat, and handed to Cian. A book.
Cian almost couldn’t believe. “This book?” he read the title, ‘Oliver Twist’. “Daniel ?”
I only smiled with disbelieve too.
“I’m sorry, it doesn’t look well anymore. But he saved with me.”
Cian nearly cried. He found his book back. The first book he had ever had with his own money.
“Thank you for keeping it, Nicky, I thought I have lost it.”
“Nicky never leave it, Cian,” Kate spoke for Nicky. “He always takes it wherever he goes, and that’s the only book he would read it for Little Cian every night
Cian even couldn’t believe it. He never thought Nicky will keep it and take care if it for him. “Thank you, Nicky.”
Nicky just smiled.
We were talked until Kate excused herself for accompanying Little Cian sleep, and I think I should excused myself too, and let the brother alone. They were still missed each other, and I wouldn’t disturb them. So I went to upstairs where Kate had showed us where we could sleep.
And I swear to God, it shivered me as I was on this attic. This was Cian and Nicky’s bed room. Well maybe it doesn’t same again as Kate had changed the bunk with the nicely simple bed. But the air was still there. The air of agony. Where Cian laid with his painful sleep, carrying the wounds.
I took a deep breath and lay on this bed. And yes, it sucked my breath. I couldn’t breathe as I could feel Cian’s agony, cried on his sleep. The pain was too much, but he never dare to let the whimper out, and he was sleep in fear as ‘He’ would called him for another beating before the old wounds healed.
‘Oh, God, I could feel his pain. I could feel his agony, I could feel his misery and I could feel his desperate never knew when will this over,’ I cried myself. But yet I could feel Nicky’s love. He was hugging Cian and comforting Cian. Held him close, took the pain away.
I took a deep breath, then tried to sleep my self.
*
“Why you left me, Nicky? Why you were leaving me alone with that family?”
“Because I want a better life for you, could saving you from ‘him’.”
“But why didn’t you come?”
“I don’t want to be a burden for them. They were too kind, I couldn’t take another kindness. But I knew they could safe you. You are the only mater for me Ci. So I have to let you go.”
“But don’t you know how hard my life without you? You were leaving me with a family I never knew before. I didn’t know them.”
“But they love you, Cian”
“No, the only love I know was from you. Even they love me very much, and taking care of me like their own child, I still need your love. And that’s hurt me when you left me!”
“I’m sorry, Cian, I just think the best you could ever have. With them, Cian.”
“But why you stopped sending me letter?”
“Because I don’t want to disturb you. Your life have going so well. You have become great writer, well educated lad, having a great family, you don’t need me anymore. And I don’t mind if you have to forgetting me."
“Fool you! How could you think of that!? Don’t you know how sad I am you didn’t replay my letter? I thought you have forgot me, I thought you don’t love me anymore, Nicky, and never expected me to come home.”
“No, Cian, I would never stop loving you. I always love you.”
“But you were stopping your letter. That’s why I insisted to go home. I want to see you.”
Nicky only could smile. “I’m sorry. At that time I was only thinking to letting you go. You have so out of my Leigh. I couldn’t reach you.”
“Nicky, I’m still your brother. I still need your love,” he held his brother hands.
Nicky nodded, and felt guilty. He never thought Cian would hurt with what he did. Guess, he would never lose Cian. Cian will always be his little brother.
He took his deep breath as held his brother hands tightly. And he felt Cian’s hands were so rough. He opened them and saw the scars. He moved to see Cian’s wrist, and they had scars too. His heart sunk.
“They would never go. They will always there. As also my scars over my body, it wouldn’t go away.”
Nicky even hurt.
“I accepted it, Nicky,” Cian with big heart.
“Don’t you hate ‘him’?” Nicky didn’t understand.
“Hate? I don’t know, I never felt that. I believed I deserved it.”
“Why do you think like that?”
“Because I made mam died. She died because of me. That’s why ‘he’ blamed me.”
“No, Cian, it wasn’t your fault.”
“But ‘he’ kept saying that. ‘He’ was so hate me.”
“That’s because you have mam’s face. ‘He’ loved her very much, and ‘he’ couldn’t take it. ‘He’ just missed her. I know ‘he’ shouldn’t do that. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that. You did nothing wrong. ‘He’ just couldn’t take of missing her. That’s all. And I hate myself for that.”
“I hate I couldn’t stopped ‘him’, couldn’t protect you, and ‘he’ didn’t want to change to be a father I used to know.”
“So that why you didn’t tell me when ‘he’ passed away?”
Nicky had to nod. “I just didn’t want you to remind ‘him’ again. You were just started your new life with that family, and I didn’t want to open that wounds again. And I’m so glad when ‘he’ finally dead.”
Cian went pale, “’He’ took everything on you after I‘m gone?”
Nicky had to nod. “But it wasn’t a matter for me. I couldn’t see ‘his’ face. Every time I saw ‘him’, I saw you too. I saw how ‘he’ treated you. It was hurt me. And I couldn’t take it anymore. Yes, I was glad when ‘he’ finally dead.”
“What happened to him?”
“Alcohol, Cian. ‘He’ drank too much, and that murdered ‘him’.”
Cian bit his lips, didn’t know what to say.
“I’m sorry, Cian, I’m sorry for everything you have been trough, for my weakness” Nicky couldn’t hold his tears “I couldn’t stop what ‘he’s’ done to you. I wasn’t strong enough to stop ‘him’.”
“No, Nicky, you did the best you could, and I felt so safe with you. All the pain was eased by you on my side and hugged me. You made my pain lessen, Nicky.”
“Cian…,” he pulled his brother to his arms and hugged him tightly. “I wished I could stop ‘him’, I wished he never hate you… I wished… I never left you, Ci. It’s too hard to carry this feeling. I missed you so much,” the hug even tighter.
Cian didn’t have to answer that. He just let his brother hugged him even tighter, to feel that Nicky was there for him, to feel that Nicky still loving him. It’s all the matter for him. And now he could sleep peacefully, in Nicky’s arms.
Nicky let Cian slept on his lap. He enjoyed how he could hug and protected Cian. His beloved brother had come back to him.
*
I opened up my eyes. Tears fell from my eyes. I wasn’t sleep, I heard all they said. I could feel their love. I could feel Cian’s love for Nicky. It was bigger than for me, and I felt so desperate. Could I be stand at this position? Being the second person on Cian’s heart? Was there still a room for me if Cian had Nicky now? But I should have known it. Cian would never love me like he loved Nicky. Nicky was the first thing on Cian’s life, and I have to accepted that. I have promised myself, that I would take any position on Cian’s hearts even if that had to be the second person. I loved him dearly, and being with him was the first thing on my life.
I sighed myself, “Hope you still have room for me, Cian,” and tried back to sleep.
TBC
Nicky was still frozen. The strange feeling rushed into his blood looking this young man. His heart was beating so fast, couldn’t believe it. ‘But could it be?’ But that face, it was really him. He wouldn’t forget his little face. He hasn’t change!’ He wasn't too tall but had an amazing clear complexion, full lips, long eyelashes and the bluest eyes. Nicky was like see his mother. He had really mam’s pretty face. It was really him!
His eyes started to blur as he was sure about this young man.
But Cian was different. He turned to pale as he saw this big lad. He reminded him to ‘him’. Nicky was so likely ‘him’. Big body and muscular, just like ‘him’! And that made Cian hesitate to take approached. The fear was coming on him. He was not sure this was Nicky he had expected. But he was Nicky!
I looked Cian who was still frozen and hesitated. I shook his hand gently to push him approached. He looked me and I nodded,
“Nicky…?” finally he called him slowly.
“Ci…?”
With that called, Cian burst into Nicky’s arms. He hugged his brother tightly.
He swore, as he hugged his brother, he was sure this was Nicky he used to know. He was not ‘him’. This was Nicky who used to hug him and comforted him. Cian was so glad and cried on Nicky’s shoulder.
“You home, Cian,” Nicky even tight hugged his little brother, like he would never go again.
“Yes, Nicky, I’m home.”
“I know you will come home, Cian, I know it,” he kissed his brother head. He felt his own tears
Cian just nodded in Nicky’s arm. How’s good to be on this arms. He had missed this arm so much. He needed these arms to hug him. He needed Nicky so much!
“And you’re talking now?” Nicky giggled gladly. “I thought I wouldn’t hear your voice again, Ci.”
Cian had to smile in his cried, “There’s no one would stopped me to speak again.”
“Yes, I know, Cian,” he hugged him again, never stopped Cissing his head
Me and Kate just stood not far from them with tears. They finally meet again after 12 years being separated
They were hugging quite long, like would never let go.
Until they broke the hug.
“Oh, this is my partner, Daniel Adams,” Cian introduced me. “He always accompanying me even took this home journey.”
I shook Nicky’s big and strong hand. A typical of a labor hands.
“When were you arrived?”
“Yesterday. We were delayed by the storm. But thankfully we could be here alive.”
Nicky smiled full of glad. He looked his brother mesmerized. Cian was home!
Then he turned on me,
“Thank you for accompanying my brother, Sir,” with his Irish accent.
“It’s Mark. I always am with him, Sir,” I smiled.
“Nicky would be fine.”
I nodded politely.
“Alright, why don’t we celebrate this with a special dinner!?” Katherine broke the tenses with cheerful. “I’ve made a special dinner.”
“Of course, we have to celebrate this! Come!” Nicky invited us for dinner.
We were dining with warm and full of love. The devils of the past were forgotten. Cian felt so safe and comfort being close with Nicky. Nicky who was always protect him, and did anything for him.
After dinner, we had a chat. Surely there so much they wanted to talk after 12 years didn’t see each other. Everything they didn’t tell on letter. Me and Kate joined the chat like a family. Well, we were family. And I could feel Cian was feeling home. He was home, back to Nicky.
“I have something for you, Nicky.”
Nicky stunned, and smiled curiously
Cian smiled at me and pulled out the book, then handed to Nicky
“What this?” Nicky took it.
“Your story?”
Nicky bite his lips, especially as he saw the cover title, “Nicholas My Brother’ by ‘Cian Fiennes’ not ‘Key Sullivan’.
“Hopefully you didn’t mind I wrote down about you. It’s one of my cures if I want to see you. I tell everything about you, feel you where there and see you everywhere. It’s my private things. I never attend to published it. I keep it for me and I will give to you.”
“Ci…” Nicky was speechless. He opened it, and read it page by page. It was all about him.
“Everything I wanted to tell you the, is written there.
“I hope you don’t mind and will accept it.”
Nicky only could smiled emotionally, and hugged Cian tightly
“Thank you, of course I will accept it. I will read and keep it well. Thank you.”
Nicky broke the hug and looked back the book, see everything on Cian’s head and heart that, everything I was afraid to tell and to showed.
“I have something for you too, Cian. Maybe you have forgotten, but I keep you. It was left when you were leaving, and I keep it for you,” he pulled out something from his coat, and handed to Cian. A book.
Cian almost couldn’t believe. “This book?” he read the title, ‘Oliver Twist’. “Daniel ?”
I only smiled with disbelieve too.
“I’m sorry, it doesn’t look well anymore. But he saved with me.”
Cian nearly cried. He found his book back. The first book he had ever had with his own money.
“Thank you for keeping it, Nicky, I thought I have lost it.”
“Nicky never leave it, Cian,” Kate spoke for Nicky. “He always takes it wherever he goes, and that’s the only book he would read it for Little Cian every night
Cian even couldn’t believe it. He never thought Nicky will keep it and take care if it for him. “Thank you, Nicky.”
Nicky just smiled.
We were talked until Kate excused herself for accompanying Little Cian sleep, and I think I should excused myself too, and let the brother alone. They were still missed each other, and I wouldn’t disturb them. So I went to upstairs where Kate had showed us where we could sleep.
And I swear to God, it shivered me as I was on this attic. This was Cian and Nicky’s bed room. Well maybe it doesn’t same again as Kate had changed the bunk with the nicely simple bed. But the air was still there. The air of agony. Where Cian laid with his painful sleep, carrying the wounds.
I took a deep breath and lay on this bed. And yes, it sucked my breath. I couldn’t breathe as I could feel Cian’s agony, cried on his sleep. The pain was too much, but he never dare to let the whimper out, and he was sleep in fear as ‘He’ would called him for another beating before the old wounds healed.
‘Oh, God, I could feel his pain. I could feel his agony, I could feel his misery and I could feel his desperate never knew when will this over,’ I cried myself. But yet I could feel Nicky’s love. He was hugging Cian and comforting Cian. Held him close, took the pain away.
I took a deep breath, then tried to sleep my self.
*
“Why you left me, Nicky? Why you were leaving me alone with that family?”
“Because I want a better life for you, could saving you from ‘him’.”
“But why didn’t you come?”
“I don’t want to be a burden for them. They were too kind, I couldn’t take another kindness. But I knew they could safe you. You are the only mater for me Ci. So I have to let you go.”
“But don’t you know how hard my life without you? You were leaving me with a family I never knew before. I didn’t know them.”
“But they love you, Cian”
“No, the only love I know was from you. Even they love me very much, and taking care of me like their own child, I still need your love. And that’s hurt me when you left me!”
“I’m sorry, Cian, I just think the best you could ever have. With them, Cian.”
“But why you stopped sending me letter?”
“Because I don’t want to disturb you. Your life have going so well. You have become great writer, well educated lad, having a great family, you don’t need me anymore. And I don’t mind if you have to forgetting me."
“Fool you! How could you think of that!? Don’t you know how sad I am you didn’t replay my letter? I thought you have forgot me, I thought you don’t love me anymore, Nicky, and never expected me to come home.”
“No, Cian, I would never stop loving you. I always love you.”
“But you were stopping your letter. That’s why I insisted to go home. I want to see you.”
Nicky only could smile. “I’m sorry. At that time I was only thinking to letting you go. You have so out of my Leigh. I couldn’t reach you.”
“Nicky, I’m still your brother. I still need your love,” he held his brother hands.
Nicky nodded, and felt guilty. He never thought Cian would hurt with what he did. Guess, he would never lose Cian. Cian will always be his little brother.
He took his deep breath as held his brother hands tightly. And he felt Cian’s hands were so rough. He opened them and saw the scars. He moved to see Cian’s wrist, and they had scars too. His heart sunk.
“They would never go. They will always there. As also my scars over my body, it wouldn’t go away.”
Nicky even hurt.
“I accepted it, Nicky,” Cian with big heart.
“Don’t you hate ‘him’?” Nicky didn’t understand.
“Hate? I don’t know, I never felt that. I believed I deserved it.”
“Why do you think like that?”
“Because I made mam died. She died because of me. That’s why ‘he’ blamed me.”
“No, Cian, it wasn’t your fault.”
“But ‘he’ kept saying that. ‘He’ was so hate me.”
“That’s because you have mam’s face. ‘He’ loved her very much, and ‘he’ couldn’t take it. ‘He’ just missed her. I know ‘he’ shouldn’t do that. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that. You did nothing wrong. ‘He’ just couldn’t take of missing her. That’s all. And I hate myself for that.”
“I hate I couldn’t stopped ‘him’, couldn’t protect you, and ‘he’ didn’t want to change to be a father I used to know.”
“So that why you didn’t tell me when ‘he’ passed away?”
Nicky had to nod. “I just didn’t want you to remind ‘him’ again. You were just started your new life with that family, and I didn’t want to open that wounds again. And I’m so glad when ‘he’ finally dead.”
Cian went pale, “’He’ took everything on you after I‘m gone?”
Nicky had to nod. “But it wasn’t a matter for me. I couldn’t see ‘his’ face. Every time I saw ‘him’, I saw you too. I saw how ‘he’ treated you. It was hurt me. And I couldn’t take it anymore. Yes, I was glad when ‘he’ finally dead.”
“What happened to him?”
“Alcohol, Cian. ‘He’ drank too much, and that murdered ‘him’.”
Cian bit his lips, didn’t know what to say.
“I’m sorry, Cian, I’m sorry for everything you have been trough, for my weakness” Nicky couldn’t hold his tears “I couldn’t stop what ‘he’s’ done to you. I wasn’t strong enough to stop ‘him’.”
“No, Nicky, you did the best you could, and I felt so safe with you. All the pain was eased by you on my side and hugged me. You made my pain lessen, Nicky.”
“Cian…,” he pulled his brother to his arms and hugged him tightly. “I wished I could stop ‘him’, I wished he never hate you… I wished… I never left you, Ci. It’s too hard to carry this feeling. I missed you so much,” the hug even tighter.
Cian didn’t have to answer that. He just let his brother hugged him even tighter, to feel that Nicky was there for him, to feel that Nicky still loving him. It’s all the matter for him. And now he could sleep peacefully, in Nicky’s arms.
Nicky let Cian slept on his lap. He enjoyed how he could hug and protected Cian. His beloved brother had come back to him.
*
I opened up my eyes. Tears fell from my eyes. I wasn’t sleep, I heard all they said. I could feel their love. I could feel Cian’s love for Nicky. It was bigger than for me, and I felt so desperate. Could I be stand at this position? Being the second person on Cian’s heart? Was there still a room for me if Cian had Nicky now? But I should have known it. Cian would never love me like he loved Nicky. Nicky was the first thing on Cian’s life, and I have to accepted that. I have promised myself, that I would take any position on Cian’s hearts even if that had to be the second person. I loved him dearly, and being with him was the first thing on my life.
I sighed myself, “Hope you still have room for me, Cian,” and tried back to sleep.
TBC
Fragile Heart Chapter 19 - Meet Nicky
Chapter– Meet Nicky
“Hey!” I picked up her bag from the ground.
“I’m sorry,” Cian helped me.
But she didn’t seem care. She was still ensuring what just she heard. She froze.
“Y…you, Cian?”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
She was blurring now. And she couldn’t help it, she bursted out into Cian, and hugged him tight.
“It’s really you, Cian? You really home?” she even tighter.
Cian almost couldn’t believe with this expectation. Someone had waiting for him. Someone he didn’t know. ‘Who’s this lady?’
Till she finally let the hug off, and showed her tears. Tears of joy.
“Nicky had waiting for you, Cian. He had dreamed you will come. He knew you will come home!”
“Nicky?”
“Yea! He always dreamt about you. Every night. He missed you so much!”
Cian almost cried to hear this.
“Hai, Mrs. Fiennes,” two little girls greeted her as they passed.
“Oh, hi, Claudia, Suzie,” she smiled gently.
“Hi, Cian.”
Cian was surprised. But the call was not for him. It was for the little baby on the box as they played with the baby and cuddling him, till he chuckling so cute. Cian was shocked now.
“See you later, Mrs. Fiennes, bye Cian,” as they excused.
“See you, Claudia, Suzie.”
Cian was still in shock. So did I. ‘Mrs. Fiennes? Cian?’
But she gave him a smile. ‘Could it be?’
“I’m your brother’s wife. I’m Katherine, but you can call me Kate,” she took Cian’s hand. “And this is Cian, your nephew.”
Cian stunned. ‘Sister in law? Nephew?’ Cian with disbelieve, but it was real. And this baby has a same name with him.
“He has name same with me?” he looked to the baby who now smiling at him.
“Yeah, you brother named him same with you so he could remember on you. And he indeed has your face. You both are so likely,” with smiled.
Cian almost smiled, but also honored.
“Maybe we haven’t met before, but your brother always talked about you, and his love and his missed on you, make me could feel the same. I feel like I have loved you, Cian.”
“Thank you,” Cian smiled
Katherine smiled with taking her breath in relieved. “Nice to meet you, Cian, and…”” she turned to me.
Cian remembered, “Oh, I’m sorry, it’s Mr. Adams, Daniel Adams, my partner.”
I shook her hand.
“Nice to meet you, Mr. Adams.”
“Nice to meet you, too, Ma’am.”
She eas back to Cian.
“Nicky must be so overwhelmed you come home, Cian. That’s what he has waiting for.”
Cian just nodded.
“Please, come inside,” she opened the door.
I helped her carried her bag, while Cian still hesitates to come inside. I could feel his fear.
“Come, Cian, this is your home.”
But still it didn’t comfort him. He took a deep breath and braced himself before he came inside.
And when I got inside, I shivered myself. I could feel the sense of fearness and the misery. This is the house where Cian lived his hellish life.
Cian scanned the house. It hadn’t changed from when he left. Still have three chambers. A living room, where Cian always landed unconscious, one bed room who was belong to him, a Citchen on the back, and one stair to the attic, where he and Nicky used to sleep. Not forget, the small closet under the stair. Still same, but had been reconstruction, and clean.
Cian still stood where he was, and looked at the closet.
Till suddenly, right in front of him a boy laid on the floor. He was bad bruising on his butt and thigh. A big guy picked him and threw him to the closet then locked him, and he left. He came back with a big bag of rats. He threw the rats to closet and locked with the boy.
Cian watched in pale. He could hear the boy was trashing about, panicCing with the rats. But the man just laughing.
Cian approached the closet and tried to open it. It Unlocked. And there, the boy tried to cover his face and his body from their bites. He was terrified. If he could scream, he would scream as loud as he could. But he never dares to let his voice out again.
Cian closed his eyes, didn’t want to remember it.
I touched his shoulder gently, “You alright, Ci?”
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“Come,” I lead him to sit.
Kate could see Cian’s pale face. She knew the closet had been Cian’s nightmares. She could sense that. She then went to the Citchen.
Cian was still looking this house with discomfort, as Kate came with the tea. This house was still something he scared about.
“I know this house leaving bad memories for you, Cian, but Nicky didn’t want to sell it, even when your father died.”
Cian bit his lips. “Nicky never told me when he died.”
This shocked her, “He didn’t?”
Cian shook his head slightly.”
“Well, maybe, he didn’t want you to remember him again. He was so afraid to get you hurt again. He just wanted to cover you, Cian.”
“Yes, I know.”
Kate smiled, “Nicky kept insist to live here, so he could see your face. He sees you on this house. He didn’t want to leave you again.”
Cian only could smile. He was sure now, Nicky still love him. That’s the only matter for him.
“So where’s Nicky?” he shyly asked about his brother.
“Oh, probably still on the dock. Just wait a moment, he would come while I prepared for dinner. Why you don’t play with Cian.”
“Sure,” he looked to the baby who had on his box.
Cian approached him and picked him up. He smiled at him! Cian was overwhelmed!
I went to his side and looked at him. I held his hand; I could feel what he felt.
“You made it, Ci.”
“Yes, Daniel, I made it,” Cian sighed in full relieved.
*
Nicky still looked this sea. It had sunset, he started to doubt Cian was coming home. He thought him so fool to believe Cian would come. He probably had forgotten it. He forgot his hometown, and all his bad memories here. Cian wouldn’t come back.
He took a deep breath, and then walked home. ‘Whenever you would come, Ci, I’ll always wait for you here.’
Nicky walked home with smiling, as he imagined the happy Little Cian’s face at home waiting for him, not Cian’s pain pale face at the closet.
*
“He will come soon,” Kate made sure, “Hey, you sleeping,” she turned to the little Cian on his uncle’s lap. “Here; let me take him to his bed."
“He likes me,” Cian with proud
“Of course. He knows his uncle,” Kate teased him as he took the baby to his room, made Cian blushed and even proud.
“I home!” a warm shouted was heard from the door as opened. A big man was coming inside.
I looked at him and Cian. I swore Cian was frozen, and I could feel his heart beating. He froze as he saw the man before him. But not only him, this guy was too froze as he looked to Cian. Only on Cian, not on me.
“Nicky?” Kate made sure his husband was home. And she found his husband had stood in shock just before Cian.
TBC
“Hey!” I picked up her bag from the ground.
“I’m sorry,” Cian helped me.
But she didn’t seem care. She was still ensuring what just she heard. She froze.
“Y…you, Cian?”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
She was blurring now. And she couldn’t help it, she bursted out into Cian, and hugged him tight.
“It’s really you, Cian? You really home?” she even tighter.
Cian almost couldn’t believe with this expectation. Someone had waiting for him. Someone he didn’t know. ‘Who’s this lady?’
Till she finally let the hug off, and showed her tears. Tears of joy.
“Nicky had waiting for you, Cian. He had dreamed you will come. He knew you will come home!”
“Nicky?”
“Yea! He always dreamt about you. Every night. He missed you so much!”
Cian almost cried to hear this.
“Hai, Mrs. Fiennes,” two little girls greeted her as they passed.
“Oh, hi, Claudia, Suzie,” she smiled gently.
“Hi, Cian.”
Cian was surprised. But the call was not for him. It was for the little baby on the box as they played with the baby and cuddling him, till he chuckling so cute. Cian was shocked now.
“See you later, Mrs. Fiennes, bye Cian,” as they excused.
“See you, Claudia, Suzie.”
Cian was still in shock. So did I. ‘Mrs. Fiennes? Cian?’
But she gave him a smile. ‘Could it be?’
“I’m your brother’s wife. I’m Katherine, but you can call me Kate,” she took Cian’s hand. “And this is Cian, your nephew.”
Cian stunned. ‘Sister in law? Nephew?’ Cian with disbelieve, but it was real. And this baby has a same name with him.
“He has name same with me?” he looked to the baby who now smiling at him.
“Yeah, you brother named him same with you so he could remember on you. And he indeed has your face. You both are so likely,” with smiled.
Cian almost smiled, but also honored.
“Maybe we haven’t met before, but your brother always talked about you, and his love and his missed on you, make me could feel the same. I feel like I have loved you, Cian.”
“Thank you,” Cian smiled
Katherine smiled with taking her breath in relieved. “Nice to meet you, Cian, and…”” she turned to me.
Cian remembered, “Oh, I’m sorry, it’s Mr. Adams, Daniel Adams, my partner.”
I shook her hand.
“Nice to meet you, Mr. Adams.”
“Nice to meet you, too, Ma’am.”
She eas back to Cian.
“Nicky must be so overwhelmed you come home, Cian. That’s what he has waiting for.”
Cian just nodded.
“Please, come inside,” she opened the door.
I helped her carried her bag, while Cian still hesitates to come inside. I could feel his fear.
“Come, Cian, this is your home.”
But still it didn’t comfort him. He took a deep breath and braced himself before he came inside.
And when I got inside, I shivered myself. I could feel the sense of fearness and the misery. This is the house where Cian lived his hellish life.
Cian scanned the house. It hadn’t changed from when he left. Still have three chambers. A living room, where Cian always landed unconscious, one bed room who was belong to him, a Citchen on the back, and one stair to the attic, where he and Nicky used to sleep. Not forget, the small closet under the stair. Still same, but had been reconstruction, and clean.
Cian still stood where he was, and looked at the closet.
Till suddenly, right in front of him a boy laid on the floor. He was bad bruising on his butt and thigh. A big guy picked him and threw him to the closet then locked him, and he left. He came back with a big bag of rats. He threw the rats to closet and locked with the boy.
Cian watched in pale. He could hear the boy was trashing about, panicCing with the rats. But the man just laughing.
Cian approached the closet and tried to open it. It Unlocked. And there, the boy tried to cover his face and his body from their bites. He was terrified. If he could scream, he would scream as loud as he could. But he never dares to let his voice out again.
Cian closed his eyes, didn’t want to remember it.
I touched his shoulder gently, “You alright, Ci?”
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“Come,” I lead him to sit.
Kate could see Cian’s pale face. She knew the closet had been Cian’s nightmares. She could sense that. She then went to the Citchen.
Cian was still looking this house with discomfort, as Kate came with the tea. This house was still something he scared about.
“I know this house leaving bad memories for you, Cian, but Nicky didn’t want to sell it, even when your father died.”
Cian bit his lips. “Nicky never told me when he died.”
This shocked her, “He didn’t?”
Cian shook his head slightly.”
“Well, maybe, he didn’t want you to remember him again. He was so afraid to get you hurt again. He just wanted to cover you, Cian.”
“Yes, I know.”
Kate smiled, “Nicky kept insist to live here, so he could see your face. He sees you on this house. He didn’t want to leave you again.”
Cian only could smile. He was sure now, Nicky still love him. That’s the only matter for him.
“So where’s Nicky?” he shyly asked about his brother.
“Oh, probably still on the dock. Just wait a moment, he would come while I prepared for dinner. Why you don’t play with Cian.”
“Sure,” he looked to the baby who had on his box.
Cian approached him and picked him up. He smiled at him! Cian was overwhelmed!
I went to his side and looked at him. I held his hand; I could feel what he felt.
“You made it, Ci.”
“Yes, Daniel, I made it,” Cian sighed in full relieved.
*
Nicky still looked this sea. It had sunset, he started to doubt Cian was coming home. He thought him so fool to believe Cian would come. He probably had forgotten it. He forgot his hometown, and all his bad memories here. Cian wouldn’t come back.
He took a deep breath, and then walked home. ‘Whenever you would come, Ci, I’ll always wait for you here.’
Nicky walked home with smiling, as he imagined the happy Little Cian’s face at home waiting for him, not Cian’s pain pale face at the closet.
*
“He will come soon,” Kate made sure, “Hey, you sleeping,” she turned to the little Cian on his uncle’s lap. “Here; let me take him to his bed."
“He likes me,” Cian with proud
“Of course. He knows his uncle,” Kate teased him as he took the baby to his room, made Cian blushed and even proud.
“I home!” a warm shouted was heard from the door as opened. A big man was coming inside.
I looked at him and Cian. I swore Cian was frozen, and I could feel his heart beating. He froze as he saw the man before him. But not only him, this guy was too froze as he looked to Cian. Only on Cian, not on me.
“Nicky?” Kate made sure his husband was home. And she found his husband had stood in shock just before Cian.
TBC
Fragile Heart Chapter 18 - Back to The Past
Chapter 18 – Back toThe Past
Cian opened the door store with nervous. And he just stood there as we were inside. He scanned the place.
“Ci, do you remember something?”
“Me and Nicky had been here. I was interested with the book on the etalase, I want it.”
“That book?” I remembered the book he had told me before. The book that made him receives the belt for stealing.
He nodded. The he looked around to find someone behind the cashier table.
“She gave it,” he pointed to the old lady on cahier table. She was talking to the other costumers.
“You didn’t tell where the book is now?”
“I don’t know. I lost it.”
No more question.
“Mrs. Tuck! I remember her name, it’s Mrs. Tuck!”
With nervous, Cian approached her after the costumer left.
“Good day,” Cian politely greeted her.
“Good day, youngsir, what can I do for you?” she smiled gently.
“I’m looking for Key Sullivan’s newest book, has it released?”
Mrs. Tuck smiled, “Well, it just arrived. We always run out.”
She took it from the newest book, and handed to Cian.
“This is a great book. Everyone loves it. It very touchy,” she explained.
He smiled proudly. ‘Of course, it was your life story, Cit.’
“I take this.”
Mrs. Tuck nodded and went to the cashier machine.
Cian paid the book.
For a while she looked at him carefully,
“Excuse me, you are not a local, aren’t you? I never see you before, but your face looked familiar to me.”
Cian smiled. “Yes, I’ve just arrived yesterday.”
“For business?”
“No. For come home and looking for my family.”
Mrs. Tuck stunned, “Your family?”
“Yes, my brother. We separated twelve years ago, and no I’m looking for him.”
“What his name, son, maybe I could help?”
Cian smiled, “Hopefully you still remember him, Ma’am, its Nicky Fiennes.”
She froze, and looked Cian closer, like want to make sure with unbelievable.
“Are you…?”
Cian nodded with smiling, “Yes, Ma’am, I’m Cian.”
“My Lord, Cian!” her eyes started to blur with tears. “You have come back, son? I was shocked to hear you are leaving with that family. And you are talking now,” she was so mesmerized
Cian blushed. She could still remember how he used to be
“Forgive me, “she smiled. “Last time I meet you, you didn’t want to talk.”
Cian just smiled and nodded.
“They took a good care of you, didn’t they?” she smiled as watched Cian fully.
“Yes, they are, Ma’am.”
“And look at you now; you have become a good looking young man.”
Cian only could smile.
“And now you have come back. I’m sure Nicky would glad you came home.”
“I hope so, Ma’am. That’s why I want to know does he still live here?”
“Of course, he still lives here. Haven’t you try to go to your house first? He still lives in your father’s house.”
Those words made his heart stop beating. So did I. Nicky really still live with ‘him’! And we were going to meet ‘him’ too!
“No, Ma’am, we haven’t gone there. Time made me forget the way home,” Cian tried to hide his nervous.
Mrs. Tuck gave him a smile, “its normal, son, it has been 12 years, and you were little then, right?”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
Mrs. Tuck smiled again.
“He still here, still in your house. It might the only heritage of your father. You knew when your father died, didn’t you?”
This made us shock. Really shocked! He’s dead?
She noticed our frozen, “You didn’t know?”
Cian shook his head, “Nicky never told me.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she gave a pity face. “It was years ago, just couple years after you left, son.”
We even froze. Nicky really didn’t tell us. He never mentioned it on his letter. Well, he never talked about ‘him on his letter.
“Poor him. Your father were so lonely since your mother died.”
Cian couldn’t even replay. That made him took the beating everyday.
“He is happy now with your mother. Blessed him.”
“Yes,” I almost couldn’t hear his voice
Cian took a deep breath. “Thank you very much, Ma’am. I’m going to meet him.”
“Yes, son, meet him. I’m sure he missed you very much.”
“Yes.”
He glanced at me, then back to Mrs. Tuck, “We better go, Ma’am, and thank you for everything.”
She just nodded, and watched us walked to the door.
“Cian…”
Her called made him turned back, “Yes, Ma’am?”
“Glad to see you again, son,” her smile was so warm.
“Thank you, Ma’am. I’m glad to be home too,” with smiling and walked through the door.
On outside,
“‘He’s’ dead, Daniel,” with blank eyes.
“Didn’t that relieve you? You don’t have to meet ‘him’ again.”
Cian just silent.
“We go there now.”
“Don’t you have to ask your address too?” I reminded him. “You forgot it, didn’t you?”
But he smiled, “Not anymore. Maybe I didn’t really remember, but I could remember this street where me and Nicky walked this street from the dock.”
And I just nodded, followed him.
As he walked to this road, he even sure the way home. He’ll found his house.
Till he stopped to a small house, and brought him to 12 years ago. His house.
Suddenly, a kid was coming form that house and run to the nearest shop. Cian watched him from where he stood.
It doesn’t long to see him come back pantingly, and look glimpse with a few bottles of beer. Cian could see the fear ness on that little kid face before he got inside
Cian followed him and took a long through the window
He saw that kid was before the big guy.
“Why it’s only three? Didn’t I tell you to buy four!?”
The boy didn’t answer.
He grabbed the boy’s by his hair roughly. “Answer me, where’s the other, heah?”
The boy still didn’t answer. His face was full of pain.
He gave the boy two hard slaps, shocking Cian.
“To the wall, pants off!” and took the cane.
The boy went to wall and pulled off his pants. He right away received his punishment on his butt. He didn’t scream or even cry.
Cian couldn’t stand at the sight. He felt glimpse, he couldn’t breath! That was him. That little boy was him!
“Cian..?” I tapped his back in worry.
“I broke one. I couldn’t hold four big bottles. I should have held them tight,” full of regretted.
“Shss… its okay, Ci, that’s over, don’t remind it. He’s gone.”
But Cian still stood in that window.
“Excuse, can I help you,” both of them were shocked with the female voice beside them. A pretty lady carrying a big bag with a few months baby on his carriage.
Cian looked at me, and,
“Yes. Excuse me, Ma’am; is this Mr. Fiennes’s house?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
Well, we were not really surprised, as we had sure this is Cian’s home; Nicky’s house.
“And you are…?” she asked.
“I’m…,” hesitate Cian looked at me, but I nodded. “… I’m Cian, his brother.”
Bruk! She dropped her bag.
TBC
Cian opened the door store with nervous. And he just stood there as we were inside. He scanned the place.
“Ci, do you remember something?”
“Me and Nicky had been here. I was interested with the book on the etalase, I want it.”
“That book?” I remembered the book he had told me before. The book that made him receives the belt for stealing.
He nodded. The he looked around to find someone behind the cashier table.
“She gave it,” he pointed to the old lady on cahier table. She was talking to the other costumers.
“You didn’t tell where the book is now?”
“I don’t know. I lost it.”
No more question.
“Mrs. Tuck! I remember her name, it’s Mrs. Tuck!”
With nervous, Cian approached her after the costumer left.
“Good day,” Cian politely greeted her.
“Good day, youngsir, what can I do for you?” she smiled gently.
“I’m looking for Key Sullivan’s newest book, has it released?”
Mrs. Tuck smiled, “Well, it just arrived. We always run out.”
She took it from the newest book, and handed to Cian.
“This is a great book. Everyone loves it. It very touchy,” she explained.
He smiled proudly. ‘Of course, it was your life story, Cit.’
“I take this.”
Mrs. Tuck nodded and went to the cashier machine.
Cian paid the book.
For a while she looked at him carefully,
“Excuse me, you are not a local, aren’t you? I never see you before, but your face looked familiar to me.”
Cian smiled. “Yes, I’ve just arrived yesterday.”
“For business?”
“No. For come home and looking for my family.”
Mrs. Tuck stunned, “Your family?”
“Yes, my brother. We separated twelve years ago, and no I’m looking for him.”
“What his name, son, maybe I could help?”
Cian smiled, “Hopefully you still remember him, Ma’am, its Nicky Fiennes.”
She froze, and looked Cian closer, like want to make sure with unbelievable.
“Are you…?”
Cian nodded with smiling, “Yes, Ma’am, I’m Cian.”
“My Lord, Cian!” her eyes started to blur with tears. “You have come back, son? I was shocked to hear you are leaving with that family. And you are talking now,” she was so mesmerized
Cian blushed. She could still remember how he used to be
“Forgive me, “she smiled. “Last time I meet you, you didn’t want to talk.”
Cian just smiled and nodded.
“They took a good care of you, didn’t they?” she smiled as watched Cian fully.
“Yes, they are, Ma’am.”
“And look at you now; you have become a good looking young man.”
Cian only could smile.
“And now you have come back. I’m sure Nicky would glad you came home.”
“I hope so, Ma’am. That’s why I want to know does he still live here?”
“Of course, he still lives here. Haven’t you try to go to your house first? He still lives in your father’s house.”
Those words made his heart stop beating. So did I. Nicky really still live with ‘him’! And we were going to meet ‘him’ too!
“No, Ma’am, we haven’t gone there. Time made me forget the way home,” Cian tried to hide his nervous.
Mrs. Tuck gave him a smile, “its normal, son, it has been 12 years, and you were little then, right?”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
Mrs. Tuck smiled again.
“He still here, still in your house. It might the only heritage of your father. You knew when your father died, didn’t you?”
This made us shock. Really shocked! He’s dead?
She noticed our frozen, “You didn’t know?”
Cian shook his head, “Nicky never told me.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she gave a pity face. “It was years ago, just couple years after you left, son.”
We even froze. Nicky really didn’t tell us. He never mentioned it on his letter. Well, he never talked about ‘him on his letter.
“Poor him. Your father were so lonely since your mother died.”
Cian couldn’t even replay. That made him took the beating everyday.
“He is happy now with your mother. Blessed him.”
“Yes,” I almost couldn’t hear his voice
Cian took a deep breath. “Thank you very much, Ma’am. I’m going to meet him.”
“Yes, son, meet him. I’m sure he missed you very much.”
“Yes.”
He glanced at me, then back to Mrs. Tuck, “We better go, Ma’am, and thank you for everything.”
She just nodded, and watched us walked to the door.
“Cian…”
Her called made him turned back, “Yes, Ma’am?”
“Glad to see you again, son,” her smile was so warm.
“Thank you, Ma’am. I’m glad to be home too,” with smiling and walked through the door.
On outside,
“‘He’s’ dead, Daniel,” with blank eyes.
“Didn’t that relieve you? You don’t have to meet ‘him’ again.”
Cian just silent.
“We go there now.”
“Don’t you have to ask your address too?” I reminded him. “You forgot it, didn’t you?”
But he smiled, “Not anymore. Maybe I didn’t really remember, but I could remember this street where me and Nicky walked this street from the dock.”
And I just nodded, followed him.
As he walked to this road, he even sure the way home. He’ll found his house.
Till he stopped to a small house, and brought him to 12 years ago. His house.
Suddenly, a kid was coming form that house and run to the nearest shop. Cian watched him from where he stood.
It doesn’t long to see him come back pantingly, and look glimpse with a few bottles of beer. Cian could see the fear ness on that little kid face before he got inside
Cian followed him and took a long through the window
He saw that kid was before the big guy.
“Why it’s only three? Didn’t I tell you to buy four!?”
The boy didn’t answer.
He grabbed the boy’s by his hair roughly. “Answer me, where’s the other, heah?”
The boy still didn’t answer. His face was full of pain.
He gave the boy two hard slaps, shocking Cian.
“To the wall, pants off!” and took the cane.
The boy went to wall and pulled off his pants. He right away received his punishment on his butt. He didn’t scream or even cry.
Cian couldn’t stand at the sight. He felt glimpse, he couldn’t breath! That was him. That little boy was him!
“Cian..?” I tapped his back in worry.
“I broke one. I couldn’t hold four big bottles. I should have held them tight,” full of regretted.
“Shss… its okay, Ci, that’s over, don’t remind it. He’s gone.”
But Cian still stood in that window.
“Excuse, can I help you,” both of them were shocked with the female voice beside them. A pretty lady carrying a big bag with a few months baby on his carriage.
Cian looked at me, and,
“Yes. Excuse me, Ma’am; is this Mr. Fiennes’s house?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
Well, we were not really surprised, as we had sure this is Cian’s home; Nicky’s house.
“And you are…?” she asked.
“I’m…,” hesitate Cian looked at me, but I nodded. “… I’m Cian, his brother.”
Bruk! She dropped her bag.
TBC
Fragile Heart Chapter 17 - Arriving
Chapter 17– Arriving
Nicky looked to the arriving ship. He had waiting the ship who took Cian home. He had done it everyday and every years while he was look over the cargo. But that always invalid. Cian never showed up from those ships. And Nicky could only hope, Cian would come home someday. But he would never give up to waiting his brother home. He would wait him at the port, at the same place when he released Cian 12 years ago, no matter how long it takes. Maybe he was on delay. He took a last glanced before he leave the port. He had something to do on fabrique before he came back here for the shipping.
Not long from there,
“We are arrived, Ci,” I shouted happily as descendent the stairs to the port
Cian just nodded and followed me.
First step on Dublin Port, Cian almost couldn’t believe. I could see his eyes were sparkling. He scanned the people. Their shouts. It was like in England, but no, we were in Ireland. Cian smiled happily
He looked around like looking for something, and …
“There!!!” he pointed to a place at the edge of the port facing to a big ship.
He went there and stood there.
“Here’s the place, Daniel. He was stand here, waving his hand letting me go with that family. Yeah, right it was here,” Cian so enthusiasm
I just nodded in smile, could feel what he felt.
Cian stood there quite long with me, ignoring the people who asked us to go and refusing to the offer of great motel by the port labor.
“Ci, don’t we better finding a place first for us to stay?” I asked him carefully. “You should take a rest too, Ci. We could come back here later.
Cian sighed in smile, “You right, Daniel, we better find place to stay. We can go back here later.”
I just nodded, and followed him. I promised myself I would go wherever Cian go.
We choose a simply nice motel for us to stay. It was on center town not too far from the port. And as we laid our back on the cozy bed, we couldn’t get up. We were too tired. The plan to go back to port was delayed till tomorrow. Beside we have plenty of time here. We weren’t rushed, so let us rest a while
*
Nicky gave a last glance to the sea and walked home. No sign of Cian. He would come again tomorrow. He tried to hold his feeling. To keep the faith that Cian will come home; even he knew that would be hurt if that weren’t happen. His only hallucination of Cian coming home. Hope not.
“I’ll coming to town with you,” Kate said as Nicky was going to work in the next morning,
“What for?”
“There’s something I need to buy. Beside, it’s been long time we didn’t visiting my parents, did we?””
Nicky silence, “I’m sorry.” Then nodded, “We go together.”
Kate just nodded in smile
How lucky Nicky was to have Katherine Breen to be his wife. A lovely rich girl who never saw herself rich. She was willingly married to Nicky, the poor boy who worked as a labor to the shipping factory with the bad childhood. She didn’t mind at all to live in Nicky’s small house, coz he didn’t want to leave the memory of Cian, even Nicky was suffered enough to the memory. How much he missed his brother. Both her parents were understood that their daughter loved this boy so much, and only could happy with him. Her happiness was all the matter for them. And now they have little Cian, their first grandson who made them happier.
From The Breen’s mansion, he then left his wife at the shop, and went back to the port. He was on charged with the shipping and kept waiting for Cian come home
*
“What is our plan this morning, Ci?” I smiled for the fresh morning after the storm two days ago. “Back to the port?”
“No. I think we better find my house first,” he froze with his own words, so did I. ‘Back to the hellish house. Meet the monster.’
“It better no, Ci, if you haven’t ready yet,” I was so worried about him to meet ‘him’ again. It could hurt him again. “Let‘s take a walk to town, or we could wait at the port. Nicky could be there, Ci. He may wait you too.”
I knew this sound impossible. ‘It had 12 years, and Nicky stopped the communication for three years. Did him still waiting Cian to come home or maybe he try to get over him. Well, hell him with he did that. He didn’t know how suffered Cian with his abandonment‘ And Cian looked paled
“Ci, are you okay?”
He back to reality, “Yes, Daniel, I’m fine.”
“I think we shouldn’t’ go anywhere yet. We’ll stay till you are ready _”
“No, Daniel. We have to get out from here. I should find him right away,” I protested and I couldn’t say anything but to follow him.
We walked along this little town. With the address which Cian still keeps from the Nicky last letter, we searched Cian’s house. It’ was so weird; Cian didn’t recognize this town, even the way to his home.
“’He’ never allowed me to go out, except to buy ‘him’ the beers,” with trembling voice as he remembered the bad memories.
I held him, “Its okay, we’ll gonna find it.”
We kept walking with Cian tried to remember the way. Till suddenly, he stopped to a store just crossed the street. He just stood to that store. Like something was there.
“What do you see, Ci?”
“Me and Nicky.”
I looked to the store name, ‘Book land’. And without a word, he run crossed the street. I ran catch him behind.
TBC
Nicky looked to the arriving ship. He had waiting the ship who took Cian home. He had done it everyday and every years while he was look over the cargo. But that always invalid. Cian never showed up from those ships. And Nicky could only hope, Cian would come home someday. But he would never give up to waiting his brother home. He would wait him at the port, at the same place when he released Cian 12 years ago, no matter how long it takes. Maybe he was on delay. He took a last glanced before he leave the port. He had something to do on fabrique before he came back here for the shipping.
Not long from there,
“We are arrived, Ci,” I shouted happily as descendent the stairs to the port
Cian just nodded and followed me.
First step on Dublin Port, Cian almost couldn’t believe. I could see his eyes were sparkling. He scanned the people. Their shouts. It was like in England, but no, we were in Ireland. Cian smiled happily
He looked around like looking for something, and …
“There!!!” he pointed to a place at the edge of the port facing to a big ship.
He went there and stood there.
“Here’s the place, Daniel. He was stand here, waving his hand letting me go with that family. Yeah, right it was here,” Cian so enthusiasm
I just nodded in smile, could feel what he felt.
Cian stood there quite long with me, ignoring the people who asked us to go and refusing to the offer of great motel by the port labor.
“Ci, don’t we better finding a place first for us to stay?” I asked him carefully. “You should take a rest too, Ci. We could come back here later.
Cian sighed in smile, “You right, Daniel, we better find place to stay. We can go back here later.”
I just nodded, and followed him. I promised myself I would go wherever Cian go.
We choose a simply nice motel for us to stay. It was on center town not too far from the port. And as we laid our back on the cozy bed, we couldn’t get up. We were too tired. The plan to go back to port was delayed till tomorrow. Beside we have plenty of time here. We weren’t rushed, so let us rest a while
*
Nicky gave a last glance to the sea and walked home. No sign of Cian. He would come again tomorrow. He tried to hold his feeling. To keep the faith that Cian will come home; even he knew that would be hurt if that weren’t happen. His only hallucination of Cian coming home. Hope not.
“I’ll coming to town with you,” Kate said as Nicky was going to work in the next morning,
“What for?”
“There’s something I need to buy. Beside, it’s been long time we didn’t visiting my parents, did we?””
Nicky silence, “I’m sorry.” Then nodded, “We go together.”
Kate just nodded in smile
How lucky Nicky was to have Katherine Breen to be his wife. A lovely rich girl who never saw herself rich. She was willingly married to Nicky, the poor boy who worked as a labor to the shipping factory with the bad childhood. She didn’t mind at all to live in Nicky’s small house, coz he didn’t want to leave the memory of Cian, even Nicky was suffered enough to the memory. How much he missed his brother. Both her parents were understood that their daughter loved this boy so much, and only could happy with him. Her happiness was all the matter for them. And now they have little Cian, their first grandson who made them happier.
From The Breen’s mansion, he then left his wife at the shop, and went back to the port. He was on charged with the shipping and kept waiting for Cian come home
*
“What is our plan this morning, Ci?” I smiled for the fresh morning after the storm two days ago. “Back to the port?”
“No. I think we better find my house first,” he froze with his own words, so did I. ‘Back to the hellish house. Meet the monster.’
“It better no, Ci, if you haven’t ready yet,” I was so worried about him to meet ‘him’ again. It could hurt him again. “Let‘s take a walk to town, or we could wait at the port. Nicky could be there, Ci. He may wait you too.”
I knew this sound impossible. ‘It had 12 years, and Nicky stopped the communication for three years. Did him still waiting Cian to come home or maybe he try to get over him. Well, hell him with he did that. He didn’t know how suffered Cian with his abandonment‘ And Cian looked paled
“Ci, are you okay?”
He back to reality, “Yes, Daniel, I’m fine.”
“I think we shouldn’t’ go anywhere yet. We’ll stay till you are ready _”
“No, Daniel. We have to get out from here. I should find him right away,” I protested and I couldn’t say anything but to follow him.
We walked along this little town. With the address which Cian still keeps from the Nicky last letter, we searched Cian’s house. It’ was so weird; Cian didn’t recognize this town, even the way to his home.
“’He’ never allowed me to go out, except to buy ‘him’ the beers,” with trembling voice as he remembered the bad memories.
I held him, “Its okay, we’ll gonna find it.”
We kept walking with Cian tried to remember the way. Till suddenly, he stopped to a store just crossed the street. He just stood to that store. Like something was there.
“What do you see, Ci?”
“Me and Nicky.”
I looked to the store name, ‘Book land’. And without a word, he run crossed the street. I ran catch him behind.
TBC
Fragile Heart Chapter 16 - On Board
Chapter 16 – On Board
But it bad time for abroad. We faced up with the great storm. The thunder, lighting and the rain fell heavily. It sounded horrible.
I looked him sleep so peacefully. I smiled, “Don’t worry, Ci, we are almost there.”
Then suddenly he wake up.
“Hey, why are you awake?” I thought he got the bad dreams again.
“Daniel?” then he rushed to toilet and threw up successfully.
“Hey, you alright, Ci?” I kneeled beside him
“Yeah, I’m fine, just feel sick,” he took a deep breath
“Sea sick?” I rubbed his back.
“Maybe,” with uncertainly as he never had sea sick before.
I still rubbed his back, till he was little bit better.
“Are we stopped?” he looked anxiously.
“Yes. We should stop. The storm are really big, it’s danger if we kept going.”
“We are going to safe, aren’t we?” his face turned pale.
I should smile, “Of course, love. The storm will soon be over and we’re gonna sail again.”
He sighed in relieved, “Thanks, Lord.”
I just smile and keep rubbing his back. Till he rose up
“How do you feel now?”
“Much better. Thank you,” he felt little bit ashamed.
“It’s okay, this is your first sailing, Ci, you’ll gonna used to it.”
He just nodded.
I hugged him tight and lead him to couch. I fetched him a cup of hot tea.
“Thanks,” and drank it
I sat beside hid, and pulled him to my arms. “Don’t worry, we’ll gonna be fine”
He just nodded, and felt the warm and safety in my arms. It always good to have him in my arms, then I fell sleep myself.
Knock…knock…
“Excuse me, Sir, Room Service!”
Daniel was aware with the knocking.
“Excuse me, Sir, Room Service!”
He glanced at Cian who still in his arms. Sleeping. “Yes, wait a moment,” he shouted
Carefully, he moved Cian’s head to the coach, and go to the door.
“Good Evening, Sir, sorry for this disturbance.”
“Yes?”
“Please, wear this, Sir,” he gave him two pieces lifevest. It made him curious.
“What’s wrong? What happened?”
“No, Sir, nothing happened. It’s just a precaution.”
‘‘Precaution?’ Daniel even more curious
“Any damage? Are we gonna drown?”
“I don’t know, Sir. I was ordered to make sure everyone got the lifevest for precaution. Excuse me,” then he left.
‘Shit!’ What happened? Are we gonna drown in this storm, right in the middle of the night?’ ‘Lord, please, helps us.’
Then he decided to check the situation by himself, and left Cian alone in the room.
Daniel went down to the dock and walked through the narrow aisles. Till he came to the bottom floor. The water had filled in. He, too, saw a big shipping ship near them. He concluded that they were two ships were just about hit each other, and caused the damage.
He realized his feet were getting colder. The water ran higher! Passengers were already to evacuate. And he remembered, ‘Cian’!!’
He ran back to the room and found Cian was still sleeping, undisturbed by the noise out there.
“Ci, wake up love.”
“Huh?” his little eyes were open. “What’s wrong?”
“Wear this, Ci,” he handed him the lifevest.
“What this?” Cian still confused.
“Just precaution,” He put it on him.
“It’s a lifevest,” Cian then aware as he wore it and Daniel wore it too.
“Daniel…?” he turned pale
“Cian, listen to me. Don’t panic. Our ship was just hitting the cargo ship, and coused the damage. The water has filled the bottom floor.”
He even paler, “Are we drowning?”
“No, Cian, we’re gonna be safe.”
He burst in to his arms. Cian was trembling in fear.
“Stss, it’s okay, we’re gonna be fine. The lifeboat will safe us, trust me,” Daniel ensure him. And with still hug him they got outside.
On upper dock had fully with panicking passengers. They were tried to get into the lifeboat in the middle of stormy rain. The boxes from the cargo ship were over the sea. ‘This is serious!’
“Come on, Ci!” Daniel pulled Cian’s hand to reach the lifeboat
“Daniel…?” he looked even scared.
“Don’t be afraid, I held you tight, I won’t let your hand off me!”
But as they reach the lifeboat, somebody pushed Cian and let off their hands. He succefully jumped to the sea.
“CIANNNN!!!” Without any second thought, Daniel jumped to the sea, caught him up.
The water was so cold. Cian almost couldn’t breathe as he came to the water and he couldn’t swim! He panicked and slowly drowned. He thought he was going to die; he thought this is the end. He wouldn’t see his brother again. He would die!
But from nowhere, somebody caught his hand and pulled him up to the surface.
“I got you, Ci, I got you,” Daniel held him tight.
“Daniel…” he was so glad that Daniel with him. He was not alone.
“Its okay, Ci, I got you,” the first matter for Daniel, Cian was alive. He held his love tightly, never let him go.
Daniel looked around and saw the boxes from the cargo ship. Those were their only changes.
Still holding Cian tight, Daniel swam to the box, and reached the nearest box.
“Hold to this, Ci, don’t let go.”
Daniel checked the box, could it afford them.
‘I think it could’.
“Hop to the box,”
“Daniel…” Cian looked hesitate.
“Don’t worry; I’ll catch you if you fall.”
No choice, Cian climbed to the box. Daniel waited for a second. Nothing happened. Sure it can afford Cian. Then Daniel tried himself to see if it can afford him too.
But as he climbed, the box was fall over. No, it couldn’t afford their two.
“Daniel…?”
Daniel looked to the other box. He could reach them, but he couldn’t leave Cian. He was afraid that once he let him go, he wouldn’t reach him again. No, he would never let Cian go. He would stay beside Cian. Even he had to stay on the freezing water.
“Don’t worry, Ci, I won’t let you go. I stay with you,” he kept holding Cian’s hands.
“Daniel…?” Cian even scared to see Daniel under coldwater.
“Don’t worry, Ci, I’m fine.”
But yes, the water was so cold. He was freezing. He couldn’t breath, felt like thousand knives stabbed his lungs! And just few minutes, his lips were trembling, and he couldn’t feel his legs.
Cian started to cry and kept holding Daniel’s hand.
Suddenly Cian heard a shout vaguely. It shouted his name. Under the heavy storm, he saw someone he knew well on the shipping ship.
‘Nicky?’
‘Yes, it’s Nicky!’ Cian was cry now, assured himself that his own brother has found them.
“NICKY!!!!”
“CII!!!! HOLD ON, WE WILL HELP YOU TWO!!!”
“HURRY UP, WE COULDN’T HOLD ON MUCH LONGER!!!”
“HANG ON, CIII!!!”
But the storm was so big, and the wind blew so hard, made they couldn’t reach them while the box floated away from the shipping ship
“No, CIAN, DON’T GOOOO!!! WE HAVEN’T MET YET. DON’T LEAVE ME AGAIN!!!!”
Cian could hear the shout but them getting far from the boat. “NICKYYY”
“NICKYYY!!!!!”
I heard Cian shouted in panic and then wake him up in sudden.
“Ci?” I asked him gently. “What’s wrong? Bad dream?”
It took a while for Cian to realize where he was and what was happen. He was till in my arms, on coach where he was lead from the toilet after he vomited.
The ship was steady now.
“The storm has passed?” he asked in wonder
I nodded wit smile
“We are gonna be fine? There’s no damage on our ship? We’re not drowning, aren’t we?” he sounded scared
“No, of course not. What’s wrong? Got any bad dream of our ship?”
Spontantley he hugged me, “I had a weird dream. We were hit by another ship and we are going to drown. Both of us fell into water when we tried to get into lifeboat. And when we were on water, a boat came rescuing us. Do you whose that boat is?”
I shooked my head
“Nicky’s!! He was there on that ship shouting my name and tried to help us. But we were getting further by the storm. I just could hear he shouted my name couldn’t reach us. I cried, Daniel, he was near of us but I couldn’t reach him, we would never met each other. I’m so scared, Daniel.”
I pulled him for a hug, “No, don’t be afraid, that was only dream. You’ll gonna see him again. Hopefully we will be arriving in Dublin by tomorrow,” I ensured him,
“I want to meet him, Daniel.”
“I know, you’ll be meeting him.”
Cian just nodded.”
“Come on, let’s go out side, let see sunrise,” I asked him. And without a word he took my request, and then went out.
I could hear Cian sighed in heavily. I knew what he’s thinking, ‘Thanks lord, it was only dream.’ I smiled and breathe gladly.
TBC
But it bad time for abroad. We faced up with the great storm. The thunder, lighting and the rain fell heavily. It sounded horrible.
I looked him sleep so peacefully. I smiled, “Don’t worry, Ci, we are almost there.”
Then suddenly he wake up.
“Hey, why are you awake?” I thought he got the bad dreams again.
“Daniel?” then he rushed to toilet and threw up successfully.
“Hey, you alright, Ci?” I kneeled beside him
“Yeah, I’m fine, just feel sick,” he took a deep breath
“Sea sick?” I rubbed his back.
“Maybe,” with uncertainly as he never had sea sick before.
I still rubbed his back, till he was little bit better.
“Are we stopped?” he looked anxiously.
“Yes. We should stop. The storm are really big, it’s danger if we kept going.”
“We are going to safe, aren’t we?” his face turned pale.
I should smile, “Of course, love. The storm will soon be over and we’re gonna sail again.”
He sighed in relieved, “Thanks, Lord.”
I just smile and keep rubbing his back. Till he rose up
“How do you feel now?”
“Much better. Thank you,” he felt little bit ashamed.
“It’s okay, this is your first sailing, Ci, you’ll gonna used to it.”
He just nodded.
I hugged him tight and lead him to couch. I fetched him a cup of hot tea.
“Thanks,” and drank it
I sat beside hid, and pulled him to my arms. “Don’t worry, we’ll gonna be fine”
He just nodded, and felt the warm and safety in my arms. It always good to have him in my arms, then I fell sleep myself.
Knock…knock…
“Excuse me, Sir, Room Service!”
Daniel was aware with the knocking.
“Excuse me, Sir, Room Service!”
He glanced at Cian who still in his arms. Sleeping. “Yes, wait a moment,” he shouted
Carefully, he moved Cian’s head to the coach, and go to the door.
“Good Evening, Sir, sorry for this disturbance.”
“Yes?”
“Please, wear this, Sir,” he gave him two pieces lifevest. It made him curious.
“What’s wrong? What happened?”
“No, Sir, nothing happened. It’s just a precaution.”
‘‘Precaution?’ Daniel even more curious
“Any damage? Are we gonna drown?”
“I don’t know, Sir. I was ordered to make sure everyone got the lifevest for precaution. Excuse me,” then he left.
‘Shit!’ What happened? Are we gonna drown in this storm, right in the middle of the night?’ ‘Lord, please, helps us.’
Then he decided to check the situation by himself, and left Cian alone in the room.
Daniel went down to the dock and walked through the narrow aisles. Till he came to the bottom floor. The water had filled in. He, too, saw a big shipping ship near them. He concluded that they were two ships were just about hit each other, and caused the damage.
He realized his feet were getting colder. The water ran higher! Passengers were already to evacuate. And he remembered, ‘Cian’!!’
He ran back to the room and found Cian was still sleeping, undisturbed by the noise out there.
“Ci, wake up love.”
“Huh?” his little eyes were open. “What’s wrong?”
“Wear this, Ci,” he handed him the lifevest.
“What this?” Cian still confused.
“Just precaution,” He put it on him.
“It’s a lifevest,” Cian then aware as he wore it and Daniel wore it too.
“Daniel…?” he turned pale
“Cian, listen to me. Don’t panic. Our ship was just hitting the cargo ship, and coused the damage. The water has filled the bottom floor.”
He even paler, “Are we drowning?”
“No, Cian, we’re gonna be safe.”
He burst in to his arms. Cian was trembling in fear.
“Stss, it’s okay, we’re gonna be fine. The lifeboat will safe us, trust me,” Daniel ensure him. And with still hug him they got outside.
On upper dock had fully with panicking passengers. They were tried to get into the lifeboat in the middle of stormy rain. The boxes from the cargo ship were over the sea. ‘This is serious!’
“Come on, Ci!” Daniel pulled Cian’s hand to reach the lifeboat
“Daniel…?” he looked even scared.
“Don’t be afraid, I held you tight, I won’t let your hand off me!”
But as they reach the lifeboat, somebody pushed Cian and let off their hands. He succefully jumped to the sea.
“CIANNNN!!!” Without any second thought, Daniel jumped to the sea, caught him up.
The water was so cold. Cian almost couldn’t breathe as he came to the water and he couldn’t swim! He panicked and slowly drowned. He thought he was going to die; he thought this is the end. He wouldn’t see his brother again. He would die!
But from nowhere, somebody caught his hand and pulled him up to the surface.
“I got you, Ci, I got you,” Daniel held him tight.
“Daniel…” he was so glad that Daniel with him. He was not alone.
“Its okay, Ci, I got you,” the first matter for Daniel, Cian was alive. He held his love tightly, never let him go.
Daniel looked around and saw the boxes from the cargo ship. Those were their only changes.
Still holding Cian tight, Daniel swam to the box, and reached the nearest box.
“Hold to this, Ci, don’t let go.”
Daniel checked the box, could it afford them.
‘I think it could’.
“Hop to the box,”
“Daniel…” Cian looked hesitate.
“Don’t worry; I’ll catch you if you fall.”
No choice, Cian climbed to the box. Daniel waited for a second. Nothing happened. Sure it can afford Cian. Then Daniel tried himself to see if it can afford him too.
But as he climbed, the box was fall over. No, it couldn’t afford their two.
“Daniel…?”
Daniel looked to the other box. He could reach them, but he couldn’t leave Cian. He was afraid that once he let him go, he wouldn’t reach him again. No, he would never let Cian go. He would stay beside Cian. Even he had to stay on the freezing water.
“Don’t worry, Ci, I won’t let you go. I stay with you,” he kept holding Cian’s hands.
“Daniel…?” Cian even scared to see Daniel under coldwater.
“Don’t worry, Ci, I’m fine.”
But yes, the water was so cold. He was freezing. He couldn’t breath, felt like thousand knives stabbed his lungs! And just few minutes, his lips were trembling, and he couldn’t feel his legs.
Cian started to cry and kept holding Daniel’s hand.
Suddenly Cian heard a shout vaguely. It shouted his name. Under the heavy storm, he saw someone he knew well on the shipping ship.
‘Nicky?’
‘Yes, it’s Nicky!’ Cian was cry now, assured himself that his own brother has found them.
“NICKY!!!!”
“CII!!!! HOLD ON, WE WILL HELP YOU TWO!!!”
“HURRY UP, WE COULDN’T HOLD ON MUCH LONGER!!!”
“HANG ON, CIII!!!”
But the storm was so big, and the wind blew so hard, made they couldn’t reach them while the box floated away from the shipping ship
“No, CIAN, DON’T GOOOO!!! WE HAVEN’T MET YET. DON’T LEAVE ME AGAIN!!!!”
Cian could hear the shout but them getting far from the boat. “NICKYYY”
“NICKYYY!!!!!”
I heard Cian shouted in panic and then wake him up in sudden.
“Ci?” I asked him gently. “What’s wrong? Bad dream?”
It took a while for Cian to realize where he was and what was happen. He was till in my arms, on coach where he was lead from the toilet after he vomited.
The ship was steady now.
“The storm has passed?” he asked in wonder
I nodded wit smile
“We are gonna be fine? There’s no damage on our ship? We’re not drowning, aren’t we?” he sounded scared
“No, of course not. What’s wrong? Got any bad dream of our ship?”
Spontantley he hugged me, “I had a weird dream. We were hit by another ship and we are going to drown. Both of us fell into water when we tried to get into lifeboat. And when we were on water, a boat came rescuing us. Do you whose that boat is?”
I shooked my head
“Nicky’s!! He was there on that ship shouting my name and tried to help us. But we were getting further by the storm. I just could hear he shouted my name couldn’t reach us. I cried, Daniel, he was near of us but I couldn’t reach him, we would never met each other. I’m so scared, Daniel.”
I pulled him for a hug, “No, don’t be afraid, that was only dream. You’ll gonna see him again. Hopefully we will be arriving in Dublin by tomorrow,” I ensured him,
“I want to meet him, Daniel.”
“I know, you’ll be meeting him.”
Cian just nodded.”
“Come on, let’s go out side, let see sunrise,” I asked him. And without a word he took my request, and then went out.
I could hear Cian sighed in heavily. I knew what he’s thinking, ‘Thanks lord, it was only dream.’ I smiled and breathe gladly.
TBC
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